I'm Grateful For: Autumn Joys

I did it again, I went nearly a whole year without posting anything, because I'm rubbish.

If you're new here, I do this. If you're not new, you know this. 

I have no real excuse this year - last year was the year of opposites, I had a lot on at work, my mother and father in law died 21 days apart, I got married four months later, there was grief, there was a Canadian honeymoon, there was stuff going on.

I'd be lying if I said this year had been smooth sailing, but there's been more of a sense of calm. 

I get to autumn and I get all airy fairy and contemplative, it's no longer about making it through the year, it's, as my boss beautifully put it this week, limping towards Christmas. 

Years ago, and about three blogs ago - if you can be bothered scrolling far enough through the archive I've uploaded here - I used to write happy lists of all the things that made me happy, because I was a bit like Joy from inside out - happy because happy and even when it's bad choose happy. 

I'm still an eternal optimist, but I'm a little less annoying with it. 

I decided I'm now gonna do gratitude lists - which sounds wishy washy, but I think it's important. 

So, at this stage in the year, I'm grateful:

• For having had opportunities to develop professionally
• For my mother offering to do laundry loads when I've tapped out of my resilient zone
• For my husband doing things like assembling a laptop table in case I want to work from the couch
• For pumpkin spice lattes
• For my dog for never judging me and always being happy to see me and for giving me amazing cuddles
• For a hairdresser who doesn't say 'you're 35 and have curly hair, of course you can't get a fringe' but instead says 'we can totally do that.' 
• For a holiday I'll never forget, while beautiful reminded me everything I have to be grateful for
• For spotify for generally suggesting the right vibe on the right day
• For music in general
• For crunchy leaves, while I haven't walked in any yet, they never let me down. 
• For chunky knit cardigans and comfy sweaters/jumpers. 

That's probably enough gratitude for one post!

Until next time pals x 

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Rewatching Gilmore Girls - I'm not a Rory, I'm a Lorelai

I've watched Gilmore Girls in its entirety several times, too many to count. I'm word perfect in some scenes and know from a frame or a line which episode it is.

Roughly eight years ago I wrote a blog post professing that I am a Rory, I can't really judge the Rachie of eight years ago, because she probably was a Rory. 

At that time I had limited bills, limited life experience and a desire to write. 
35 year old me despairs at the thought of being a Rory. 

No harm to Rory, in the earlier seasons I very much identified with her quiet nature, her penchant for literature and her desire to create. As she grow older and spent more time in, and gravitating towards, the world her mother ran fast and far from, she became less like someone that today's me would want to be. 

These days I'm more of a Lorelai, quirky, a little more world weary, more of an idea of what it's like to have responsibility, a desperate need for morning coffee despite actually hating it.   

There were times watching Gilmore Girls as a younger self where I got angry with Lorelai for her approach to things, her attitude towards disappointments, her distain what she considered to be a toxic environment through no fault of anyone else. 

I understand her a little better now, there are things you can control in life and things you can't. The things you can you make damn sure are in your grasp and protected from the universe. The things you can't you sort of hope aren't catastrophic and you can find a way to restore equilibrium. 

Aside from being brunette, mid 30s and similar taste in partners, my similarities with Lorelai probably don't run that deep. 

Well, I did name my ukulele Paul Anka after her dog, I do have a fondness for snow and poptarts.....I am as sarcastic as the day is long and my humour is often left field and lost on others - scratch that maybe I am like Lorelai. 

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A wedding, bereavement and a puppy: 2023 so far!

This is year so far has been a bit like a rollercoaster - actually no, Rachel doesn’t do rollercoasters, too much of a fearty - make that waltzer ride I got on but never stopped spinning. 

It occurred to me in the midst of that, I haven’t posted on here at all! 

I’ll start with the fun stuff, I got married a few weeks ago and became a wife! Went on a lovely honeymoon to Toronto on as much of a shoestring as we could! It was lovely and we absolutely want to visit again to visit the things we didn’t manage because there is so much to see and do. 

I was particularly pleased with myself for doing the CN Tower - I normally get scared walking up the stairs to a slimming pool slide because it’s ‘too high’ 

Rewind a few weeks to the wedding, a similarly lovely time for me; though a little bittersweet.  To explain, we have to rewind a little again to March. 

In March, my now husband lost both his parents just 22 days apart. We toyed with postponing but my husband felt his mum would have wanted him to go ahead so that’s what we did. Although not there physically, we know angels were with us on the day. 

Rewinding a few months again back to January set the pace for my year.  We welcomed Luna into our home. Luna is our German Shepherd puppy who looks about 5 years old in height but is actually less than a year old. She’s funny, she’s gentle in nature, but she’s also fast, active and will guard mummy with her life, I don’t know what we would have done this year without her. She was meant for us. 

Just a few days after we got Luna, my boss had to take some time off work due to illness and that meant taking on lots more responsibility, whilst juggling a young puppy and planning a wedding.  

The waltzer started spinning in January and hasn’t quite slowed down yet. But maybe that’s not such a bad thing. I’ve grown personally and professionally this year because I’ve had to and while there are aspects of this year I would absolutely love to reverse, like the loss and pain my husband has experienced, I wouldn’t take away the person this year has shaped me into. I’m still me but I’m stronger because I know I can be, I have less imposter syndrome because I know I can do things. 

For the remainder of this year’s waltzer, I’d like to think I’m in the control box, setting the pace, but if not, I’ll keep spinning and see where it takes me! 

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Reflecting on 2022

 

I’ve seen a lot of reflective ‘last post of the year’ content on my social feeds this week so decided to jump on the bandwagon since I’m nearly at the ‘Out of Office on” point in the week.

I didn’t come into 2022 with any new year resolutions because when I haven’t magically transformed into Beyonce by the 9th of January, I conclude I’m rubbish and give up. 

I came with a mindset of 2021 and 2020 were mental, come in quietly and don’t startle or spook anything!

Looking back, I’ve done some cool things this year: 

📚 Started and will soon finish a short course in understanding autism - close to my heart as my stepson, nephew and a few of the kids I volunteer with are autistic

👩‍🍳 Extended my cooking reportoire beyond eggs and pasta - James Martin I am not but the fiance says my curry is better than his mum’s and she can reaaaaallly cook. 

🎤 Sang in front of people on my own at a Christmas service - while looking at a christmas tree so as not to look at people - I’m still somewhat socially inept, but hey, progress! 

Next year I’m getting married, going on a canada honeymoon and getting a puppy….:but just in case, let’s walk in to 2023 slow Rachel, don’t startle or spook anything! 

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Today I’m grateful for

So, I’ve been following Alex Marrah on Instagram and moat days she kicks off her stories with how she’s going to show herself love or be kind to herself that day - like taking it easy, seeing a friend etc, and ends it with what she’s grateful for that day. 

I’m channeling that today. Head has been buried in data for a lot of this week and my brain has maxed out. 

So I’m being kind to myself  by allowing myself to eat as many of the peanut puffs (think cheetos but peanut) as I please and rewatching AJ and the Queen on the ‘ol flix. 

While we’re on the subject, that was an epic little gem of programme and not renewing it was short sighted. Sort yourself out ‘flix! 

I digress. 

Today I’m grateful for:

This morning’s hairwash. I’ve checked out on my curls a little over the summer. Hair feels a little more like mine today. 

Pesto gnocchi, because pesto gnocchi

The knowledge that tomorrow is Saturday and I don’t need to set my alarm 

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Morning cup of nonsense

I’m forty-ish minutes into my working day, I’m not dressed yet, my curly hair has succumbed to bedhead and needs washed and I’m still wearing my muppets pyjama top. However, my morning cup is filled with caffeine and enough flavour that I can’t taste the coffee, so I decided it was time for a blog! Here we! 

I was reading an email the other day - I always read mailing list/marketing & comms emails as I know a Rachie somewhere has worked on that and that the stats will help whether I’m a converted to end goal reader or not. Anyhusan, it was about how to get buy in from colleagues for your work and to be honest, I don’t think that’s as big a struggle as getting buy in from myself. 

I am forever telling myself not to try things, not to suggest things, not to experience things. And why? Because it might not work? Because someone might think it is or I am rubbish? So what? 

Other people try things and it doesn’t work - generally speaking, no bad thing happens. So what’s stopping me?

That would be me. I stop me. That voice in my head that tells me I can’t. However, my primary school teacher’s voice lives rent free in my head with this saying: 

“If you think you can, you’re right. If you think you can’t you’re right.” 

At the age of ten, I didn’t particularly know what it meant, I just remember she would get us to repeat it. In the last few years, it has properly resonated with me. 

In practice, I’ve noticed I follow that pattern. I think I can’t or shouldn’t, so I don’t. I think I can so I try or do.

I strongly doubt I’m going to post this and go into every day as the little train that could, but I’m going to listen out for that teacher’s voice when I need my own buy in. 

Today’s mugshot

Serving up some Minnie Mouse and unkempt hair realness. 

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Uncertain musings.

Clearly, I’m rubbish at blogging. I haven’t written once since September! I think my problem is I use up my creative streak during the day or can’t be bothered when ideas come to me when I’m lying awake at night. 

I came on to write a post because I watched a webinar today, yes - another one. I know that’s pretty much all I’ve posted on this blog, I do have original thoughts sometimes and I’ll find a groove eventually. I digress. 

The webinar was on uncertainty, how we respond to it and how we can reframe it and convert uncertainty to opportunity. That gave me a wild hair up my butt to write a post, not because I particularly have anything new to add to the conversation but because I was feeling reflective and what do I do when I’m feeling reflective - write it down!

I don’t think anyone particularly likes uncertainty and I’ve certainly never thrived on it, I like knowing the script. However, the last few years have given us zero choice but to exist within it. I don’t even need to elaborate. 

Using my instincts to reframe my thought process is something I really took away from today. Like if I knew no bad thing would happen because I rode the wave of uncertainty - what would I do? What do I know now but probably won’t actually figure out properly for another six months when I’ve made sense of it? I know that sounds a bit airy fairy, but that sort of internal dialogue. 

Radical gratitude is something else I took away, like the things we take for absolute granted but when everything else we know is stripped away, will notice, appreciate and thank god, thank goodness, thank Kylie Minogue (or whoever it is you thank) for? Like a few years ago when bird song was suddenly all I could hear outside. 

There is way more to the webinar than the things I’m pulling out, but these are the things that stuck with me. I’m not really sure where my uncertainty tolerance levels are sitting but probably higher than they would have been a few years ago, because they’ve had to be. 

I’m not entirely sure how I go about turning uncertainty into opportunity but I think its more about finding opportunity or creativity amidst the unfamiliar. 

Anyhusan, that’s my musings for the day. See you when the inspiration next takes me! 

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