For the majority of this year, every time I've come onto my laptop to write something, I've very swiftly given up and decided to do something else.
I don't know if it's a lack of creative spark or just a general sense of nothing mattering enough to be bothered.
I accepted this week that I'd hit a wall mentally. After being on furlough for the majority of the year, my role was made redundant, and I haven't been getting far with my job search. I took some time to process this, I've eaten plenty of comfort food, I've had some days where I've vegetated, and I've binged watched just about every series I possibly can on Netflix.
I know that I'm not alone in my circumstances and compared to others, I am reasonably lucky. Diversion - I actively try not to compare myself to others as I'm biased in favour of others so will always find a way to come off worse, but I do know that there are people who have it far worse than I at the moment. I do not entirely lack perspective.
Returning to my original train of thought...if I can remember what it was
I'm pretty lucky; I have a roof over my head, food in my belly and all the baking utensils I need to pass the time during this year.
That hasn't stopped me dwelling on what was, what isn't and how we get to what will be. My brain goes at a million miles per hour pondering possibilities
- Whether to try and start something freelance or if that is too competitive?
- Are the roles I'm applying for out of my reach because I'm not as good as other applicants?
- Are people going to judge me because I'm struggling to find my feet?
These are natural things for me to ponder in the current circumstances, but my issue is that I'm not processing anything my brain is considering. I'm storing it up, and like my i-cloud account, I'm full to the brim with too many files. I don't fancy paying to extend the storage space mentally or digitally, so I need to start tidying things up.
I've mentioned before that I love autumn as it's a chance to recharge before emerging refreshed, so that's what I'm planning to use this time to do.
Here are just a few things I've got planned for autumn that I think could help me to climb the wall I hit.
- Morning Pages - I read about this on Pinterest, it's essentially emptying your brain in the morning either digitally or with pen and paper and clearing your mind before tackling the day. It can be journaling; it can be to-do lists; it can be whatever I want it to be. I found it helpful this morning so I will give it a go.
- Embrace happy and sad in equal measure - I like to be positive, it's a big part of my personality, but it's okay to be sad sometimes too. I highly recommend watching Inside Out if you haven't before. Also, on a personal level, it is okay to be sad and happy about what the big things are for you, even if other people have their bigger things going on. Always justifying stifling what I am feeling is deeply unhealthy.
- Saying no - Part of my problem is I can't say no to people. There will be times when the answer in my heart is yes, but when the answer in my heart is no, I say yes anyway. I need to get better at that or I will keep hitting walls or end up stained with dirt from the metaphorical doormat I allow people to walk over.
- Plan my days - For the majority of this year, I've taken every day as it comes. When I was on a 100 Happy Days kick, I gave myself a few themes, but I've mostly let each day pass me by with little activity. It's not healthy. I thrive on routine and structure, so I need to find ways to reintroduce it.
I am in no way qualified to advise on how anyone should process their emotions,, unemployment or navigate their mental health, these are just some ideas that I think will be good for me. I will signpost to some organisations in the UK. If you are reading my blog elsewhere (she said, optimistically) please feel free to comment with any similar organisations where you are and I will link to these too.
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/w/work-life-balance