Rewatching Gilmore Girls - I'm not a Rory, I'm a Lorelai

I've watched Gilmore Girls in its entirety several times, too many to count. I'm word perfect in some scenes and know from a frame or a line which episode it is.

Roughly eight years ago I wrote a blog post professing that I am a Rory, I can't really judge the Rachie of eight years ago, because she probably was a Rory. 

At that time I had limited bills, limited life experience and a desire to write. 
35 year old me despairs at the thought of being a Rory. 

No harm to Rory, in the earlier seasons I very much identified with her quiet nature, her penchant for literature and her desire to create. As she grow older and spent more time in, and gravitating towards, the world her mother ran fast and far from, she became less like someone that today's me would want to be. 

These days I'm more of a Lorelai, quirky, a little more world weary, more of an idea of what it's like to have responsibility, a desperate need for morning coffee despite actually hating it.   

There were times watching Gilmore Girls as a younger self where I got angry with Lorelai for her approach to things, her attitude towards disappointments, her distain what she considered to be a toxic environment through no fault of anyone else. 

I understand her a little better now, there are things you can control in life and things you can't. The things you can you make damn sure are in your grasp and protected from the universe. The things you can't you sort of hope aren't catastrophic and you can find a way to restore equilibrium. 

Aside from being brunette, mid 30s and similar taste in partners, my similarities with Lorelai probably don't run that deep. 

Well, I did name my ukulele Paul Anka after her dog, I do have a fondness for snow and poptarts.....I am as sarcastic as the day is long and my humour is often left field and lost on others - scratch that maybe I am like Lorelai. 

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Climbing my wall

For the majority of this year, every time I've come onto my laptop to write something, I've very swiftly given up and decided to do something else. 

I don't know if it's a lack of creative spark or just a general sense of nothing mattering enough to be bothered. 

I accepted this week that I'd hit a wall mentally.  After being on furlough for the majority of the year, my role was made redundant, and I haven't been getting far with my job search. I took some time to process this, I've eaten plenty of comfort food, I've had some days where I've vegetated, and I've binged watched just about every series I possibly can on Netflix. 

I know that I'm not alone in my circumstances and compared to others, I am reasonably lucky.  Diversion - I actively try not to compare myself to others as I'm biased in favour of others so will always find a way to come off worse, but I do know that there are people who have it far worse than I at the moment. I do not entirely lack perspective. 

Returning to my original train of thought...if I can remember what it was

I'm pretty lucky; I have a roof over my head, food in my belly and all the baking utensils I need to pass the time during this year. 

That hasn't stopped me dwelling on what was, what isn't and how we get to what will be. My brain goes at a million miles per hour pondering possibilities

• Whether to try and start something freelance or if that is too competitive?
• Are the roles I'm applying for out of my reach because I'm not as good as other applicants?
• Are people going to judge me because I'm struggling to find my feet?

These are natural things for me to ponder in the current circumstances, but my issue is that I'm not processing anything my brain is considering. I'm storing it up, and like my i-cloud account, I'm full to the brim with too many files. I don't fancy paying to extend the storage space mentally or digitally, so I need to start tidying things up.

I've mentioned before that I love autumn as it's a chance to recharge before emerging refreshed, so that's what I'm planning to use this time to do.  

Here are just a few things I've got planned for autumn that I think could help me to climb the wall I hit.  

• Morning Pages - I read about this on Pinterest, it's essentially emptying your brain in the morning either digitally or with pen and paper and clearing your mind before tackling the day. It can be journaling; it can be to-do lists; it can be whatever I want it to be. I found it helpful this morning so I will give it a go. 
• Embrace happy and sad in equal measure - I like to be positive, it's a big part of my personality, but it's okay to be sad sometimes too. I highly recommend watching Inside Out if you haven't before. Also, on a personal level, it is okay to be sad and happy about what the big things are for you, even if other people have their bigger things going on. Always justifying stifling what I am feeling is deeply unhealthy. 
• Saying no - Part of my problem is I can't say no to people. There will be times when the answer in my heart is yes, but when the answer in my heart is no, I say yes anyway. I need to get better at that or I will keep hitting walls or end up stained with dirt from the metaphorical doormat I allow people to walk over. 
• Plan my days - For the majority of this year, I've taken every day as it comes. When I was on a 100 Happy Days kick, I gave myself a few themes, but I've mostly let each day pass me by with little activity. It's not healthy. I thrive on routine and structure, so I need to find ways to reintroduce it. 
  
  

I am in no way qualified to advise on how anyone should process their emotions,, unemployment or navigate their mental health, these are just some ideas that I think will be good for me.   I will signpost to some organisations in the UK.  If you are reading my blog elsewhere (she said, optimistically) please feel free to comment with any similar organisations where you are and I will link to these too.                             

https://www.mind.org.uk/

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/

https://www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/nhs-services/mental-health-services/how-to-access-mental-health-services/

https://www.mentalhealth.gov/

https://www.samaritans.org/

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/w/work-life-balance

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4 Life Lessons I learned from the Spice Girls

So, here's the story from A – Z

 

I don't think I ever actually made it past the waiting list for the official fan club or completed my collection of those polaroid photos you could buy in Woolworths for about £1 but as far as I was concerned, from the age of seven onwards, I was The Spice Girls most enthusiastic fan.

I had concerts for my stuffed animals or reluctant family members in my back garden, their first album was the first cassette I ever bought. I've no idea what the first CD I ever bought was - I have a feeling it was probably Spice Up Your Life or Robbie Williams - I do know that the first song I ever downloaded was The Hampsterdance Song, purely because I was a massive fan of Disney's Robin Hood and Roger Miller's Whistle Stop song is forever running through my head and my heart, I digress, back to The Spice Girls. 

I tried to start my own Spice Girls fan club in the playground, I made membership cards out of the flimsiest paper in the universe for everyone in my class, with the most horrific hand-drawn images of everyone with my best crayons. Needless to say, they weren't impressed, I reckon they were just jealous of my creative spirit and business savvy! 

My head of unruly curls meant I was never destined to win the role of Sporty or Baby at any playground performance, although on one occasion at a children's club on holiday I got to take on the part of Posh at the talent night. As the youngest member of our three-minute-long tribute band, I felt pressure to deliver my best Victoria, I mean V was a real lady, I hadn't grown into my nose yet – I still haven't.

 

The concept of Girl Power didn't quite resonate with me in the the way that it does now, at the age of seven as far as I was concerned Girl Power was all friendship and peace signs. I now know better.  I learned many lessons from Scary, Baby, Ginger, Posh and Sporty during my formative years – some of them I grasped at the time, others came as light bulb moments much later in life.

 

Embrace Your Style

 

Admittedly, my wardrobe choices probably haven't progressed much beyond my mid 90s Spice inspired choices of big shoes and bold print or colours but I spent a lot of my teenage years censoring myself in case I was in a class with an idiot that day who would make fun of me.  There were occasions where I will allow that my choices were questionable, playboy socks, and my bright orange padded anorak wasn't my most elegant. Now I'm older, I pick what makes me feel good that day, as long as it's appropriate for the environment I'm in, I give very few fluffy ducks.

 

Spice Up Your Life

 

Particularly in lockdown this year, I've found myself looking for ways to inject some fun and life into my days.  Whether it's giving my days a theme, trying to cook new dishes or bake new things, I've been actively trying to do something every day.  

We get one shot at this existence, and we'll spend most of it asleep, at work or hiding in the house from a global pandemic or lousy weather. I'm now actively pursuing things that keep a little bit of spice and fun in my life, whether it's dressing up like Paddington Bear at the age of 31 or scrolling through dairy free brownie recipes on Pinterest, I'm adding something to my day to spice it up. 

It's okay to do a Geri.

 

Geri didn't just break my heart in 1998 when she left the band.  She shook my world.  I was a relatively carefree nine-year-old, had never really experienced or been aware of much in the way of change or loss that impacted me directly.  It was my first experience of something out with my control rocking my understanding and failing to compute. What did anything mean anymore?

 

My nine-year-old identity crisis aside, Geri removed herself from a situation for reasons that resonated with her at that time.  My 31-year-old self looks back at that now with admiration. There are occasions where I have stayed in jobs or conversations or friendships where my mind and body have been begging me to say 'Bye, Felicia'. 

Who do you think you are?

I maintain at 31 that I am still getting to know myself. I'm not sure it actually stops because we adapt to our surroundings and experiences and who I was a 21 is a bit different to who I am at 31, that's normal. 

If I'm asked by someone to tell them about me, I start with what I thrive on, and what I'm good at, I don't mention that I'm crap at maths, often suppress negative emotions and hate exercise. It's important to check myself sometimes.  I don't mean I'm going to have a pity party and focus on all my flaws and every mistake but focus on who I think I am and what I can do to get myself closer to that. 

Those are just my musings on this lukewarm Thursday. I started writing this post a while ago and revisited it today.  

 

 

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The Garden Sessions #1

When I first found out about my furlough from work I had great plans, I was going to bake loads, I was going to do a different online course every single day and get up early to do Yoga every morning.

Fast forward a few weeks and I've largely watched Netflix and emptied my buscuit supply.

I did start the Curly Girl Method on my hair so I'll give myself productivity points for that! 💪

I decided today with some encourgement from my boyfriend to hit up the garden with a deckchair.  The wifi works out the front under my bedroom window so I can listen to Disney songs through my earphones and footer about to my hearts content until my laptop loses power or I succumb to Springtime sunburn. Combining vitamind D and fresh air with a bit of creativity. 

I don't know how often I'll feel the urge but I figured it might be fun to use the garden as a bit of a Staycation.  

I can read, I can listen to a podcast, I can write. Provided the old man isn't cutting the grass or one of the neighbours we share with isn't also the garden, it can be my creative spot for the next wee while.

It's actually quite peaceful out here, although anyone in their garden who can hear me typing may disagree! 

I'll confess to very rarely taking time to pay attention to nature, so far this afternoon I've enjoyed spotting a butterfly and a robin - both of which were too fast for me to get a photo of but maybe thats not such a bad thing, I see too many things through the lense of my phone. 

Today's Garden Session

I'm listening to: A generic Dayly Spotify Playlist - lots of Disney and randomly S club 7, I'm guessing that will be the result of looking for Reach a few weeks ago! 

I'm reading:

Nothing today - just scrolling. 

Today's training:

Found a really cool video on Skillshare explaining the difference between American and British Spongecakes and how to get the technique right. 

Today I'm bingewatching:

Community, though technically I was binge watching series one yesterday

Today's Shoes:

Todays Outfit: 

Messy hair and messy background - might talk mum into helping me with a Garden photo next time haha.

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What I learned about myself in 2019

Around this time of year I have a tendancy to feel self-depracating and make a list of things that I feel I need to change about myself in order to be the best me I can be, tick all the right boxes and meet the societal standards of my every day surroundings. 

I decided a few years ago that this nonsensical notion was counterproductive and have now decided that instead of thinking how I will change myself for the year ahead, I will spend this time reflecting on what I've learned about who I am. 

Yes, I know I'm a 30 year old woman but anyone who tells you they have all their ducks in a row in order of date of birth, know exactly who they are, what they want and have the secret to obtaining/maintaining it, is either extremely lucky or talking rubbish. 

In the spirit of reflection, here is what I've learned about myself in 2019. 

I let the big things go, not the little ones.

I let a lot of things go, sometimes big things that I should really call others out on and I'm far more likely to lose my cool over something tiny and trivial. 

I'm not suggesting I should spend 2020 with a projector and screen waiting for the right moment to pounce on someone with all the reasons why I'm justified in being annoyed with them, but I should maybe speak my mind a little more when its merited, instead of storing it up and getting to breaking point over something that doesn't matter. 

When others don't like me, I don't care as much as I thought I would

I've spent a lot of my teenage and early 20s agonising over the thought of not being liked.  Today, I'm not massively fussed. I won't be everyone's cup of tea - all that matters is they don't complain that there is coffee on the menu. 

Earlier in the year, I changed my hair. In the grand scheme of Rachie hair, it was tame but for those who haven't known me long enough, it probably seemed drastic.  I overheard a conversation I wasn't intended to (humans by default aren't as discreet or subtle as they try to be, or in some cases don't)

"Do you like her hair?"

"I like it about as much as I like her"

A few years ago that would have stung, particularly coming from someone I find quite funny and engaging.
I didn't bother me in the slightest, zero fluffy ducks were given.
I'll remember it, but it won't influence how I behave or my opinion of them. 

My mood is easily influenced by the mood of others

It may be the same for everyone and is something I should have realised about myself before but it really hit me this year. 

If I'm around people with a negative mindset (usually in a confined environment like an office), constantly focussing on the negative, it's detrimental to both my mindset and my wellbeing.  The thing to do in those instances isn't always to interject with positivity and sunshine (sometimes it is) sometimes the thing to do is to remove myself from the situation. I find headphones, a change or scenery or a change of focus can help. 

I don't totally hate coffee

Okay, I still kind of do in the sense that I don't like the taste of coffee.  I did discover that I like flavoured coffee.
This probably doesn't count!

So, what about 2020?

I have a rough idea of the direction I'd like 2020 to head in and some items I'd like to tick off a metaphorical list.

Here's to the journey, hopefully I remember to put something on my blog before this time next year! 

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Quirky and 30: Camping

I've been camping before but only for a few days.
About 8 weeks ago I agreed to step completely out of my comfort zone and partake in a week long camping holiday. 

I'm really more of an indoors kind of girl so the idea of sleeping outside for the whole week was a little daunting. 

I'd be lying if I said the whole week was entirely up my street, I have a pollen allergy, I hate dirt and like my home comforts but I did enjoy my time camping. 

I learned a few lessons about myself on that holiday which have been useful since I came back:

1. Being a light sleeper isn't the worst thing in the world, it's annoying at home when I have work to be up for in the morning but when you are in the middle of a field and are woken by the sound of a barking dog or someone coming back from the toilet, it doesn't really matter. 

2. There is plenty to enjoy that doesn't come from a screen.  Yes I had my phone with me, was able to charge it and could keep in touch with friends and family but in all honesty, if I hadn't been able to charge it, it wouldn't have been the end of the world. There was plenty to see and do nearby. I'm trying to disengage with my phone a bit more, so I don't miss out on the beauty near home.

3. You can make whatever environment you are in one that feels like you belong there. We put lots of nice quirky touches to our tent, particularly things like lighting, throws and blankets my sister in law had loaned to us to make it look like a nice living space for the week and one that reflected a space which felt familiar and comfortable. 

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Quirky and 30: Paris, Disney & Rollercoasters

In one of my previous blog posts, I mentioned that I'm turning 30 this year. I also mentioned that a few years ago I made a list of 28 things I wanted to do by the time I was 28 and tried to achieve them all in about 8 weeks. 

This year I decided that I wanted to revisit that idea but spread out 30 new achievements, new adventures and new skills across the year rather than try to squash them all in....solid logic considering my birthday is just over two weeks away! 

I'm crap at uploading blogs regularly so since the last time, I've added a few things to the list. It's a work in progress list rather than a tick off list, although the ones below were pre-planned.

Disneyland Paris

A few weeks ago, James and I went to Disneyland Paris. It was pretty amazing. I went to Disney in Florida once when I was a kid and loved it but there was something about going as an adult that made me soak in every second just that little bit more. 

I loved seeing everything from the Castle, to Mickey Mouse, to the rides. Even though my knee eventually started complaining about how much walking I was doing, there wasn't one moment I didn't enjoy.
I even managed to find a quirky skirt!

On the last night before we headed for our train to the airport, we stayed to watch the illuminations and I cried. Yep, nearly 30 and cried at the animations projected on the castle/music. You're never too old for Disney to hit you right in the feels!

Paris

We took one day out from the Park(well early morning to late afternoon) to head into Paris and did some sightseeing.
We had a lovely breakfast in a cafe that I'm annoyed I've forgotten the name of! 

It was raining pretty heavy so we paid for one of the tour busses and got a ticket where we were able to just hop on and off at the sights we wanted/had time to see. We started with Notre Dame which is an exquisite building to walk around - I did resist the urge to bring out my best Esmerelda wander around singing God Help The Outcasts, as much as I'd have loved it, it may have been a little invasive to everyone else's morning.

The Eiffel Tower was bigger than I even imagined and a little surreal to see up close.  The Arc De Triomphe is in the middle of a super busy road so we just stood across the road and took some pictures! 

Rollercoasters

I'm pretty militant at never going anything that scares the crap out of me just a little bit but I figured I couldn't really spend the week looking in shops and hoping to bump into characters so I'm put on brave face and got in line for the rollercoasters! I'd say my favourite was Indiana Jones Temple of Doom, it was outdoors and I could see all of the twists and turns coming. The other ones I went on were indoors and while I was perfectly safe, I didn't like being in the dark. I made a point of trying not to say no to any of the rides, so I was pretty proud of myself for feeling the fear and doing it anyway. 

30 Things Total: 4

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Quirky and 30: Sparkle Sunday

If you've read my blog before you might remember that a few years ago I decided about 7 weeks before my 28th birthday I wanted to do a list of 28 things. It was fun and I got through everything on the list to varying degrees but it was a silly timescale! 

This year, I'm turning 30. I don't like this fact, but I accept it.
I'm 30 in 11 weeks time, so I'm not going to try and cram 30 things into a list to do before then.

I'm going to aim to do 30 things this year.

Not necessarily before my birthday, just throughout this year.
A mix of things I've never done, places I've never been and developing new I've never had.

Today I started small, but kept it quirky.
I went shopping with my sister in law for things that sparkle.

I came home with a very comfy and pretty throw blanket...because I'm eternally freezing. 

A day dedicated to shopping for sparkley things (at a bargain) was a great way to kick off my adventures. I've never really had a structured shopping trip, I tend to just soak things in and see what calls out to me.  It was interesting to go in with a goal and seeing where it took me. 

I saw this and I thought it summed up my approach to life quite nicely - sparkle in your own way and leave a little of that sparkle everywhere you go. 

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My Annual ‘Let’s Do This’ Post

At the beginning of each year I look at my blog, think about what I want to change and then decide I'm gonna have the best year ever creatively and then I get sidetracked and that goes out the window.  Last year was a prime example of that mindset, I changed my blog about, bought a domain and had a nice header image designed and I posted a grand total of 12 times. 

I went back and looked at my blog posts from the first half of last year and I can see the difference in my headspace between then and now. 

I've mentioned before in previous posts that I don't do New Years resolutions but I do make postive tweaks. 

I posted on 31st December 2017 about my thoughts for the year ahead and mentioned that I had some thoughts about what I wanted to achieve in that year and that if they didn't happen then that would be okay. 

A few of those things I wanted to tick off the list actually happened, although I can't take credit for all of them, sometimes things happen because you go out and make it happen and sometimes the universe throws a curve ball in your direction and you adapt. 

Having mentioned at the beginning of the post that every year I fall into the trap of deciding I'm going to have the best year ever blog wise and be super creative....I've decided that I'm gonna have the best year ever blog wise and be super creative! 

That's not strictly true. I've decided that I want to actively pursue my creative interests more this year both professionally and personally. 

My blog comes under that. I spent money on a domain and a header image last year to channel my love of quirkiness into my blog and it's essentially sat all year and gathered dust.  Not this year. 

If you dig lists, I've got lists of things I wanna do this year. 

1. Blog at least once a week.  Whether its a long ass post about nothing but my thoughts like this one or something thats half interesting to read, I'd like to commit to posting something each week. 
2. Plan things properly - Do new things so I actually have content for the things I start like friday firsts, recipes etc. 
3. Outfit posts - I know lots of bloggers do outfit posts and I'm hardly reinventing the wheel but one of my biggest quirky loves is fashion so I might try it. I've never been a big fan of photos of myself so I may not be wearing them.  We'll see. 
4. More book reviews - my brain was consumed by other things last year so reading took a bit of a back seat.  That's not like me so more books will be read this year and more reviews will be posted. 

I'm also open to suggestions of new things to try if you've read something on my blog and think I'll dig something you've heard of - let me know!

I know my mother reads my blog, so mother you have my permission to tell me off if I don't do any of the above.

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Quirkmas? Let's try it.

So, a few years ago on my old blog I decided to attempt blogmas and I totally sucked. If you can be bothered going back far enough in my archive I think I still have the posts live and you can see for yourself just how terrible they were. I was in a creative rut and trying to make myself do something creative every day by putting up a post. I was also trying too hard to do the same types of posts I was reading and the vlogmas videos I was watching.
  That was counterproductive as forcing creativity conditioned my brain to be unimaginative and my post were all crap! 

This year I'm going to attempt my own little Quirkmas. I doubt it will be every day and it certainly won't be groundbreaking but it will hopefully be fun or interesting to read. My December has some quirky elements to it, as does my Christmas Day so I should be able to come up with something to write about!

I quite often end up chasing my tail at this time of year, as do most people I guess, so it is quite nice to be starting off the month of December on a day where I've mostly been sat in my room listening to music and brainstorming ideas for blog posts/baking. 

I think I've mentioned in other posts that I play a brass instrument so I'll be doing that throughout the month. Normally I would tire of the repetition very quickly but when it comes to the festive season I actually find it therapeutic to play and read the same music. The sound that comes out of my instrument may not always be exact or consistent, but the process is and I find it comforting. 

I'm waffling now, which is what I tend to do when I'm  veering off plan and just typing thoughts.

Back on plan, I started the gift buying process yesterday, I'd temporarily forgotten it was St Andrews Day when I filled it with Christmas activity but I did spend the day in the city centre taking in all its beauty - admittedly when I wasn't hiding from the rain.

I got a few quirky things for myself, a primark Christmas Tree dress - I'll use that in another post and these little festive flamingo earrings which were from Boots.

Next post, if I remember to do another one before the end of the month 😂, will probably be baking related. 

Until then, Happy Quirkmas to all and to all a good....Saturday.

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Quirky Faves: Autumn 2018

The first time I typed the title of this blog I typed Summer 2017, I'm off to a great start!

I love Autumn. Nature starts charging it's batteries and takes a bit of time out to rejuvinate before bursting to life again in Spring.
That's a really healthy reminder sometimes, to take some time to recharge and not to burn out.

I'm probably rubbish as favourites posts, I think I've made two lacklustre attempts but I thought I'd give it another go, maybe seasonally. Which would work well, as I'm also terrible at having an upload schedule.

Here's some of my quirky faves this Autumn.
I'm not sponsored by any companies, authors or locations I have mentioned below.

Books

  

Yes, I am a 29 year old woman and yes there are two unicorn books in this section. I've said it before, I'll say it again, I dig unicorns.

This Summer/Autumn some of my favourite reads have been

Be More Unicorn: How to Find Your Inner Sparkle by Joanna Gray
When The Curtain Falls by Carrie Hope Fletcher 
The Little Book of Unicorns: Unicornucopia by Caitlin Doyle

You can find all of my Quirky Reads posts here

Monki Midi Skirts

I've built up a steady collection of these since I first discovered Monki last autumn.
I fall in love each time a new quirky pattern is released - I don't buy every one I see but I've been reaching into my wardrobe for these again and again. 

Shoes

Another Monki purchase, I don't normally wear mustard but when I saw these I knew they belonged on my feet.
I don't wear alot of corduroy either but I love these.
They are super comfy and they fit like they were designed for my feet.
Great for walking through crunchy leaves! Not so much on a rainy day but there are other shoes for those days! 

Pumpkin Spice Lattes

Pumpkin Spice Lattes! I don't actually like coffee and I have a dairy intolerance but thankfully this can be customised!
I discovered I enjoy lattes when I can't taste the coffee so I've been having them with soya or coconut milk and the occasional shot of caramel or vanilla.  I discovered a few weeks ago that Pumpkin Spice Latte's are amazing! Another reason for Autumn to be my favourite season!

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A Mile A Day....Or Close Enough

Hello! I've been pretty silent on my blog for a while.
My batteries have been charging.

I forget sometimes when I'm charging my devices throughout the day that my brain is the most frequently used device I own and needs the same care an attention to work at full capacity.

I'm keen to get a bit fitter than I currently am, not in an I must be skinny, I will now document my trip to the gym every day, but I do spent alot of my day sitting and I'd like to be a bit more active, and climb a few flights of stairs or a hill without needing a good 5-10 minutes to recover.

I'm going to combine my shoe diary with my attempts to get out and do some exploring on foot.   

According to the internet - and who am I to argue with the internet? - there are 2000 steps in a mile, I initially set my target at 3000 but found that I was exceeding it so I moved it to 4500.  A few days ago I managed over 18,000 but I did an uncharacterisitic amount of walking that day so I won't get too cocky!

My aim is to have more adventures an hopefully, in turn become more adventurous!

Today's Shoes 

These super comfortable beauts are Beach Athletics, I think I bought them from the Saltrock website.
If there is a day for stripey and colourful shoes - why not Tuesday?


Steps:7,152

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