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choosing the right words :-)

Choosing the Right Words :-) 


I haven't blogged in a while, mostly because I've had fairly little to talk about and I don't want to ramble on for the sake of rambling!  

Choosing words carefully is pretty important. Choosing the right words can make all the difference between getting your thoughts out correctly and causing offence.  Choosing the right words can make the difference between delivering a joke properly and hurting someone's feeling. Choosing words carefully can also make all the difference in starting a conversation with someone - word it wrong and you may find the conversation goes awry pretty quickly. 

Conversation starters can be tricky things, they often require consideration, but I find us humans have a tendency to speak too quickly in order to fill up dreaded awkward silences.
I've noticed lately that there are occasions when people try to start conversations with me they immediately base their topic on some element of my appearance.  I completely understand why - my hair is postbox red, I wear kitsch/novelty jewellery and my wardrobe choices are often colourful. 
Although unintentional, my appearance lends itself to conversation starters, which whilst I can feel a bit insecure, is something I've gotten used to.

It's fine if it's something like 
"Those earrings are really different, where did you get them?" 
"Can you walk in those shoes?" 
A question or comment that comes out of genuine curiosity and interest is fine, I don't mind people drawing attention to my appearance in that kind of circumstance.

I do mind, however, when a comment or question is designed to make me feel inferior or insecure about myself.  There have been times when I've worn something like a stripey pair of jeans which have invited a comment from someone asking the person I was speaking to if they would wear something that weird, in order to hear them say no and reinforce how weird my outfit choice is. 

On my birthday this year, I got the following comment on my coat, which is green, has a bow on the back and nips in at the waist before flowing back out again - fairly standard coat, I thought.

Commenter: I might have known that was your coat.
Me: Why is that?
Commenter: It's weird, just the style and the colour, no one else would wear it so it had to be yours. 

Comments like that are not usually designed to be horrible or hurtful, but there are times when a poorly worded sentence can be quite hurtful. On that particular day I think what they were trying to say was
 "I thought it was unusual, so through a process of elimination, I figured you were the most likely owner" 
However what it sounded like was
 "This looks weird and no one else would wear it, so it must be yours"

Whilst I am over sensitive, and know it, choosing words carefully is important. 
Also while I am on the subject of appearance - there is more to humans than what they look like.
We are complex, living, breathing, feeling humans, we are more than just an outside shell.
Some people have more dazzling shells than others, some people have more polished shells, some people have rougher shells that have been through a little more upheaval and relocation, some people have shells that are a bit beaten and cracked. 

The shell is not the important thing!!! 

Appearances are great and a great way to express yourself, but you are more than your appearance, don't let other people make you feel like your appearance is all there is. 




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