Laughing at me, not with me.

I’m far from being the perfect human being, I’m deeply flawed, make silly choices sometimes and I’m often annoying but I like to think that for the most part I’m an okay person.

I have some traits that I like and hate about myself in equal measure.

One is my ability to let things go and another is my reluctance to make a fuss.

I like that I can let very little bother me but it also means that I let others away with things that I shouldn’t. My reluctance to make a fuss kind of goes hand in hand with this.

This week I let both of those take over. I visited a restaurant - I won’t mention which one - where the person serving me clearly found something amusing about my appearance. I am all kinds of quirky but for me I was dressed very tame, this wasn’t a 'what is she wearing’ or ‘she looks odd’, this was just straight up finding amusement
at the way I look.

I felt very uncomfortable as whilst I couldn’t hear what was being said it was blatantly obvious I was being mocked.
Making fun of your customers is bad enough, but to make it obvious is worse.

In hindsight I should have cancelled my order and left but I decided to let it go and not make a fuss, but spent the entirety of my visit feeling insecure and sad. I later felt guilty for complaining, as I always do when I complain about something as I don’t want to cause a fuss.

As someone who embraces all things quirky and individual, I’ve learned to care less about what others think and let a lot of my insecurities go, but I guess no one likes to be mocked when it’s obvious it’s happening.

Although I will choose to let this experience go and not dwell on it, I will make a vow from here on in not to put up with unkindness or bullying towards myself or others. I’ve always had that general approach but I never seize too many opportunities it into practice unless I have a duty of care to others.

That changes from today.

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