Dear Wee Rachie: Learn to say no.

Dear Wee Rachel, 

Learn to say no.

No is a great word, use it! You are great at using it! Whether it’s your brother asking if he can use your room to watch TV (the TV you have in there right now is pants, so for context, you end up with Gran Brown’s big ass telly at some point, never mind why) or Mum asking if you have or will tidy your room. 

At some point over the years, I can’t really remember when, you develop this compulsive need to please people, to have them think that you are effortlessly nice and will always say yes and find a way to help them if you can.  Don’t misunderstand me, it’s not a bad way to be but sometimes Rachel, I could have kicked you hard in the face with a thousand stilettos - you’ll never own any because you’d break your neck and you’d look like an idiot, but that’s irrelevant. 

Saying yes is fine, being nice is a fantastic thing to be, but this fear of saying no is not even close to being acceptable.   

People will still like you even if you say no, you don’t need to let Mark and Toto (don’t even get me started on the stupid nicknames the kids you spent your days with at school had) talk you into letting them have the money you brought with you for lunch, what the hell are you going to buy lunch with? No wonder you have no energy and fall asleep in class, you muppet! 

They aren’t bullying you – they like you, but don’t think for a second they aren’t taking advantage of the fact you don’t like saying no.

You don’t need to carry Jamie and Graeme’s English work in your bag every day because they have dirty P.E kits in their bag,  if they have messy essays that’s their problem, tell them no! 

You don’t need to supply everyone in your class with a pen just because they asked you and they know you have enough pens to start a sustainable stationary business. Of course they’ll like you, you’ll be Pen Girl and Pen Girl is a cool thing to be (I’m sorry, it doesn’t come with a cape, in hindsight that would have been epic – sorry!) but when you reach the stage of allowing literally every single person in your English class borrow a pen from you on a daily basis because you don’t want to say no, you are letting people abuse your kindness and walk all over you.

There are probably other slightly more important examples in your upcoming future of when you really should have said no but I won't give you a hard time for those - screw ups are part of how you learn not to be an asshat.

I get it, I really do! You are afraid if you say no people won’t like you or want to be your friend or think you are nice or think you are 'socially acceptable'. 
I want to impress upon you that saying yes doesn’t make a damn bit of difference! 

There will still be people who dislike you, get used to it.   There will be people who think you aren’t a nice person, so what? 

 Stop saying yes to things you don’t want to do or it will turn you into someone you don’t want to be.  Start saying no to things you don’t want to do and become the person you do want to be. 

The people worth having in your life will still like you, the people who know you will like you for you - whether you say yes or no.

It’s not all bad, sometimes not saying no when you want to works out great, you didn’t really want to say yes when Gillian asked if you wanted to help out at youth club and it’s one of the best things you ever said yes to.

P.S – Wear what you want! I’m not suggesting you should turn up to your Gran's house in an outfit made from barbed wire and a dustbin but don’t save your stripey socks or funky shoes for a day when you won’t be in a class with any dumbasses, dress like you! 

Read More

Dear Wee Rachie: Sleep is a beautiful thing.

Dear Wee Rachel, 

Sleep is a beautiful thing!

You don’t realise it right now, but you have this amazing ability to sleep at night, to just switch off your brain, lie down and sleep.  Sometimes your head might be full of crap that finds its way into your dreams but the actual sleeping part you have down to a tee. 

In a few years, sleep will seem like a story, a fairy-tale like Cinderella or Snow White (I thought Sleeping Beauty would be a cruel example, but hey, at least that bitch got some sleep!).

I don’t know why sleeping became a problem, it might be the fizzy juice that you drink (I know you love Irn Bru, but your insides are probably orange by now, cut down a bit!) it could be all the time you spend in front of the computer, the TV or your phone (FYI, phones are cooler in the future, but bloody expensive!).  Whatever it was, it became an issue and it’s one you’ll fight for a while, I’m still fighting it now.

I’m writing you this letter because I’m struggling to fall asleep and I don’t want you to grow up, become me and spend your life wanting to sleep.  Sometimes my brain is full of too many things to settle; sometimes the slightest little noise will wake me up.

You have no idea how much this will affect you when you are my age.  Sure it’s fine to snooze through Mr Kershaw’s Maths class (you get a free pass on that one because he likes that you have a smart mouth and knows you’re not a moron) but you really need to start taking better care to get sleep at night.

What I want you to do from now on is keep a notebook next to your bed, write down all the thoughts that are in your head when you sleep, hopes, fears, dreams, things that scare you and let them all out.  Start going to bed earlier or set a consistent time so your body knows it’s time to sleep.  Come up with your own ideas, but please do something. 

P.S – It turns out you don’t like the taste mint very much - mild is fine, strong is yuck, look out for alternative toothpastes, that way I won’t have to listen to your dentist when she moans or ‘accidentally’ (gently) bite her when she pisses me off! 

Read More

Dear Wee Rachie: What are you doing with your life?

Dear Wee Rachel,  

What are you doing with your life? 

It’s a dreaded question for anyone, whether you’re a handsomely paid director of a big ass organisation or a former child star with a fading profile and a catchphrase to your name (you’re neither by the way!).

Generally speaking, no one is 100% happy with every aspect of their lives, even the lucky sods who seemingly have everything in their lives figured out – news flash, they don’t! 

Some people have a better answer to that question than others, “I’m a director of a big organisation” probably sounds better than “I’m unemployed and focusing on my sitcom reruns” but the good answers probably don’t include the crappy things that keep them awake at night, the pressures of their job or the lack of time they have to do things away from their high stress careers.

If you are sitting thinking that your life is a bit crap and you don’t have a scooby how you are going to change it, welcome to the boat, absolutely everyone on this planet we call earth is already on it!

Ok, so you might not be in need of a telethon or a therapist, but you’ve come to the realisation that sometimes, life is a bit crap because it just is.  That’s a lesson some people go through life and never learn, you are already years ahead in discovery than some who came before you, it might not be Nobel Prize worthy but in my eyes it’s blooming impressive!

I can be a bit fortune cookie at times for a spatially challenged 26 year old who walks into the same doorpost on a daily and often hourly basis but I like to think I have a good grasp of these things. Someone somewhere coined the phrase ‘an old head on young shoulders’ to describe it when a young person has a knack for saying something profound – you’ll hear it a lot, not necessarily to describe you, but occasionally.  It’s a fancy way of saying that you have grasped early on in life an understanding of something that some adults have yet to master – the collective term for such adults is often referred to as Morons – fear them!

I used to be embarrassed to answer that question with the truth – I’m unemployed and desperately hoping someone will give me a chance to prove myself. I’d go for something that made me sound like a semi proactive human being such as ‘I’ve just finished uni and I’m volunteering until I find a job in my field’ because it sounded better than – ‘I spend my time filling out application forms, making origami and watching charmed reruns whilst simultaneously crying on the inside and eating Wotsits’ (other cheesy corn puff snacks are available, although maybe not for you – apparently milk makes you ill – spoiler!). 

Since becoming unemployed for the second time in two years I’ve learned to be less concerned about that pitying or judgmental look I might get and go with honesty.  My answer to the dreaded question is now “I was on a fixed term contract as an intern, I’m now unemployed as I’ve yet to successfully pass another interview, but fingers crossed eh?” if I’m speaking to a sensible person, they’ll know that’s my polite way of saying bog off and stop asking me, my answer is the same as it was two days ago when you last asked me.  If I’m speaking to one of the aforementioned Morons, who treats me as if unemployment is a lifestyle choice, I calmly remind myself that my situation is hopefully temporary, whereas being an asshat is generally infinite.

I’m telling you this because while you don’t have to be content with unfortunate circumstances, you sure as hell don’t have to be ashamed of them either! No one’s life is perfect, your flaws, shortcomings and struggles are part of what makes you who you are – human!

For me the secret to overcoming the crappy things in my life is to own them, they are mine! I’m not unemployed because the world hates me and lets bad things happen to me. I’m unemployed because there are many other jobseekers like me and I have limited experience.  I’m not skinny because I like to eat lots of food, and I’m not Beyoncé because I’m me and frankly if I were Beyoncé, Beyoncé wouldn’t be Beyoncé and that just wouldn’t be fair on the world.  Oh yeah, you develop an unhealthy obsession with Beyoncé, just accept it.

Regardless of what you are doing with your life or how you feel about your life, it’s yourlife, own it, change it, live it, don’t wait around for it to get better or begin, carpe doughnut! Seize it!

P.S - I’m sorry you’re not an actress or a giraffe, but you did find a career path that you’re good at, sometimes it’s a great outlet for being a smartarse, you don’t have to hide that by the way, just try not to annoy anyone! 

Read More

Dear Wee Rachie: An Introduction

I started writing letters to my younger self last summer, shortly after my contract on my job ended and I was looking for something to do to pass the time in between application forms and volunteering.
These eventually turned into a bit of self therapy for myself when I was feeling a bit crappy and I thought I would put some of them up on my blog, I've edited a few bits like changing 25 to 26 and circumstances that have changed etc.  I'll play it by ear whether I put any more on, I'm unsure, but here was the first one I wrote myself. 

Dear Wee Rachel,   

Rachie, Rach or whatever variation of Rachel you are going by at the present moment.

It’s me, well it’s you, I’m you, but I’m future you! Don’t be scared, I’m perfectly normal, well, I’m as normal as you are.  There will be times when you wonder and imagine what it will be like to be me - I remember what it was like to be you! I wanted to get in touch, I don’t want to spoil your hopes and dreams or give you too many spoilers but I thought I’d offer you some insights that I’ve picked up along the way that might have been useful to me back when I was you.  

To paraphrase dear old Madonna (I say old, she is probably more active and in better shape in her 50s than I am in during my 20s or ever will be - if I look half as good as she does when I’m past the half century mark, I'll dance around in my pants too! *Note – I won’t Mum, I’m just being a smartarse) we are living in a material world and I am a...... graduate with no job.   Ok, one spoiler, you went to university; (you passed exams and everything!) I bet you can’t begin to fathom that right now, but believe it or not, you aren’t actually stupid!

Back to the whole crappy being unemployed thing, I'm not at all unique in that, for every job I apply for, every interview I go along to, I am going up against hundreds of me's (they may not have my self-inflicted red hair, my grasp of sarcasm or my ridiculous phobias of feet and tiny insects), but like me they've studied their craft, read a thousand books that bore little relevance to the career path they wanted to follow but merely helped them to pass a module that was the best of a limited selection that semester (I digress but yes, I am talking about Film Theory Goes to the Movies, Catriona if you ever read this, you are a fantastic educator and I thoroughly enjoyed that module, also reading about the monstrous feminine made me question whether my body really was a monster and helped me come to the realisation that most theorists in that subject are misogynistic muppets - thank you!). Getting back to the point, the hundreds of me's that I come up against are suffering from the same problem that myself and others across the world are - too many job seekers, not enough opportunities. It’s not much fun but you aren’t alone. 

There will be some for whom everything generally works out straight away because it’s just who they are - they are pushy in the good way,  they view tutors as potential industry contacts, they’ve been networking since the age of conception and have that steely determination to achieve the best no matter what the cost, and while that makes you feel crap, it’s the difference between them and us unassuming folk who let the life come to them and hope for the best and teaches us an important lesson - grab life by the balls or you'll spend your days scratching yours!! (Yes I know you have no balls of which to speak, imagine metaphorical balls for effect!).

I’m a 26 year old graduate struggling to find employment in a competitive field with red hair (yes you have red hair now and Mum loves it, Dad doesn’t really acknowledge it, which probably means its fine!), a smart mouth and a pink ukulele.
You have had some jobs, an amazing one year internship, some admin contracts and you invigilate exams.  It's not all hopeless.
 My musings of the world probably won’t be the most insightful anyone will ever read or change the world but hopefully they might help you or someone like you to feel better about their life, maybe they’ll amuse someone further on in life with an penchant for nostalgia or maybe it’ll just make a judgmental old pensioner I know feel a little less smug to see that I do more with my time than sit on social media accounts all day - three of which I have open as I type -  yeah, I can multi-task bitch!

I'll write to you again soon.

P.S – I say this with love, and hindsight…. Throw out that bloody awful Orange padded jacket, you look like a pumpkin!

Read More