Am I a Grown Up? The Ponderings of a Rachie.

Am I a Grown Up? The Ponderings of a Rachie.


I'm not really sure at what point you become a proper 'Grown Up'

There are many milestones that you could attach it to such as,

• Reaching a special age like 18 or 21.
• Learning to cook.
• Clearing out possessions (toys, teddies, clothes).
• Getting your first 'proper' job.
• Passing a driving test or getting a car.
• Moving out of your parent's house and into your own home, getting a mortgage etc.
• Surviving the supermarket on a weekly basis.
• Learning your first important 'Life Lesson' (i.e. experiencing something horrible, heart wrenching or crappy).
• Falling in love.
• Losing a sizeable portion of your wages in tax.

I haven't done everything on that list yet but I don't think that's why I don't feel like a proper grown up yet.

I think I've always had this idea in my head where a grown up has certain traits and is someone who has everything figured out and has all their crap together. 

I'm gradually realising that this notion is mostly twaddle.

Some of the most interesting, mature and successful people I know and consider to be proper grown ups still have many things to figure out and discover - like finding a career path that fits for them, finding a healthy work and life balance, time management, manners, how to say no etc.

I also think for someone who advises a lot of 'you do you' to others, I've become far too worried about the opinion and validation of others, not just in terms of my appearance/personality but also in whether people consider me to be a kid or a grown up.

When I first dyed my hair red a few years ago I overheard someone say 'Oh to be a teenager and get away with such things' - I was 23, and it foolishly bothered me that someone thought I'd have to be a teenager and doing something cool, young, or experimental in order for it to be an okay thing to do. 

In actual fact, it was an elderly lady who had zero concept of what age I was, saw my youthful complexion and merely expressed a thought that just so happened to touch a nerve with me.

There are elements of my personality and image that I feel like people assume I'll eventually grow out of like the bright hair, the quirky earrings, the colourful shoes, the Disney obsession, desire to 'find the sunshine' in situations.  

There are of course times when I need to be sensible and play down the quirky, adhere to dress codes etc.

I may yet give up on the red hair, I might grow out of my Disney obsession, but that doesn't mean I have to grow out of being myself in order to grow up. 

I don't think I properly grasped that before. 

Maybe I am already a grown up but in my own way, rather than what I associate with being a grown up or what I thought being a grown up should be. 

I'll keep pondering it.