I'm Grateful For: Autumn Joys

I did it again, I went nearly a whole year without posting anything, because I'm rubbish.

If you're new here, I do this. If you're not new, you know this. 

I have no real excuse this year - last year was the year of opposites, I had a lot on at work, my mother and father in law died 21 days apart, I got married four months later, there was grief, there was a Canadian honeymoon, there was stuff going on.

I'd be lying if I said this year had been smooth sailing, but there's been more of a sense of calm. 

I get to autumn and I get all airy fairy and contemplative, it's no longer about making it through the year, it's, as my boss beautifully put it this week, limping towards Christmas. 

Years ago, and about three blogs ago - if you can be bothered scrolling far enough through the archive I've uploaded here - I used to write happy lists of all the things that made me happy, because I was a bit like Joy from inside out - happy because happy and even when it's bad choose happy. 

I'm still an eternal optimist, but I'm a little less annoying with it. 

I decided I'm now gonna do gratitude lists - which sounds wishy washy, but I think it's important. 

So, at this stage in the year, I'm grateful:

• For having had opportunities to develop professionally
• For my mother offering to do laundry loads when I've tapped out of my resilient zone
• For my husband doing things like assembling a laptop table in case I want to work from the couch
• For pumpkin spice lattes
• For my dog for never judging me and always being happy to see me and for giving me amazing cuddles
• For a hairdresser who doesn't say 'you're 35 and have curly hair, of course you can't get a fringe' but instead says 'we can totally do that.' 
• For a holiday I'll never forget, while beautiful reminded me everything I have to be grateful for
• For spotify for generally suggesting the right vibe on the right day
• For music in general
• For crunchy leaves, while I haven't walked in any yet, they never let me down. 
• For chunky knit cardigans and comfy sweaters/jumpers. 

That's probably enough gratitude for one post!

Until next time pals x 

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Rewatching Gilmore Girls - I'm not a Rory, I'm a Lorelai

I've watched Gilmore Girls in its entirety several times, too many to count. I'm word perfect in some scenes and know from a frame or a line which episode it is.

Roughly eight years ago I wrote a blog post professing that I am a Rory, I can't really judge the Rachie of eight years ago, because she probably was a Rory. 

At that time I had limited bills, limited life experience and a desire to write. 
35 year old me despairs at the thought of being a Rory. 

No harm to Rory, in the earlier seasons I very much identified with her quiet nature, her penchant for literature and her desire to create. As she grow older and spent more time in, and gravitating towards, the world her mother ran fast and far from, she became less like someone that today's me would want to be. 

These days I'm more of a Lorelai, quirky, a little more world weary, more of an idea of what it's like to have responsibility, a desperate need for morning coffee despite actually hating it.   

There were times watching Gilmore Girls as a younger self where I got angry with Lorelai for her approach to things, her attitude towards disappointments, her distain what she considered to be a toxic environment through no fault of anyone else. 

I understand her a little better now, there are things you can control in life and things you can't. The things you can you make damn sure are in your grasp and protected from the universe. The things you can't you sort of hope aren't catastrophic and you can find a way to restore equilibrium. 

Aside from being brunette, mid 30s and similar taste in partners, my similarities with Lorelai probably don't run that deep. 

Well, I did name my ukulele Paul Anka after her dog, I do have a fondness for snow and poptarts.....I am as sarcastic as the day is long and my humour is often left field and lost on others - scratch that maybe I am like Lorelai. 

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A wedding, bereavement and a puppy: 2023 so far!

This is year so far has been a bit like a rollercoaster - actually no, Rachel doesn’t do rollercoasters, too much of a fearty - make that waltzer ride I got on but never stopped spinning. 

It occurred to me in the midst of that, I haven’t posted on here at all! 

I’ll start with the fun stuff, I got married a few weeks ago and became a wife! Went on a lovely honeymoon to Toronto on as much of a shoestring as we could! It was lovely and we absolutely want to visit again to visit the things we didn’t manage because there is so much to see and do. 

I was particularly pleased with myself for doing the CN Tower - I normally get scared walking up the stairs to a slimming pool slide because it’s ‘too high’ 

Rewind a few weeks to the wedding, a similarly lovely time for me; though a little bittersweet.  To explain, we have to rewind a little again to March. 

In March, my now husband lost both his parents just 22 days apart. We toyed with postponing but my husband felt his mum would have wanted him to go ahead so that’s what we did. Although not there physically, we know angels were with us on the day. 

Rewinding a few months again back to January set the pace for my year.  We welcomed Luna into our home. Luna is our German Shepherd puppy who looks about 5 years old in height but is actually less than a year old. She’s funny, she’s gentle in nature, but she’s also fast, active and will guard mummy with her life, I don’t know what we would have done this year without her. She was meant for us. 

Just a few days after we got Luna, my boss had to take some time off work due to illness and that meant taking on lots more responsibility, whilst juggling a young puppy and planning a wedding.  

The waltzer started spinning in January and hasn’t quite slowed down yet. But maybe that’s not such a bad thing. I’ve grown personally and professionally this year because I’ve had to and while there are aspects of this year I would absolutely love to reverse, like the loss and pain my husband has experienced, I wouldn’t take away the person this year has shaped me into. I’m still me but I’m stronger because I know I can be, I have less imposter syndrome because I know I can do things. 

For the remainder of this year’s waltzer, I’d like to think I’m in the control box, setting the pace, but if not, I’ll keep spinning and see where it takes me! 

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Reflecting on 2022

 

I’ve seen a lot of reflective ‘last post of the year’ content on my social feeds this week so decided to jump on the bandwagon since I’m nearly at the ‘Out of Office on” point in the week.

I didn’t come into 2022 with any new year resolutions because when I haven’t magically transformed into Beyonce by the 9th of January, I conclude I’m rubbish and give up. 

I came with a mindset of 2021 and 2020 were mental, come in quietly and don’t startle or spook anything!

Looking back, I’ve done some cool things this year: 

📚 Started and will soon finish a short course in understanding autism - close to my heart as my stepson, nephew and a few of the kids I volunteer with are autistic

👩‍🍳 Extended my cooking reportoire beyond eggs and pasta - James Martin I am not but the fiance says my curry is better than his mum’s and she can reaaaaallly cook. 

🎤 Sang in front of people on my own at a Christmas service - while looking at a christmas tree so as not to look at people - I’m still somewhat socially inept, but hey, progress! 

Next year I’m getting married, going on a canada honeymoon and getting a puppy….:but just in case, let’s walk in to 2023 slow Rachel, don’t startle or spook anything! 

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Today I’m grateful for

So, I’ve been following Alex Marrah on Instagram and moat days she kicks off her stories with how she’s going to show herself love or be kind to herself that day - like taking it easy, seeing a friend etc, and ends it with what she’s grateful for that day. 

I’m channeling that today. Head has been buried in data for a lot of this week and my brain has maxed out. 

So I’m being kind to myself  by allowing myself to eat as many of the peanut puffs (think cheetos but peanut) as I please and rewatching AJ and the Queen on the ‘ol flix. 

While we’re on the subject, that was an epic little gem of programme and not renewing it was short sighted. Sort yourself out ‘flix! 

I digress. 

Today I’m grateful for:

This morning’s hairwash. I’ve checked out on my curls a little over the summer. Hair feels a little more like mine today. 

Pesto gnocchi, because pesto gnocchi

The knowledge that tomorrow is Saturday and I don’t need to set my alarm 

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Morning cup of nonsense

I’m forty-ish minutes into my working day, I’m not dressed yet, my curly hair has succumbed to bedhead and needs washed and I’m still wearing my muppets pyjama top. However, my morning cup is filled with caffeine and enough flavour that I can’t taste the coffee, so I decided it was time for a blog! Here we! 

I was reading an email the other day - I always read mailing list/marketing & comms emails as I know a Rachie somewhere has worked on that and that the stats will help whether I’m a converted to end goal reader or not. Anyhusan, it was about how to get buy in from colleagues for your work and to be honest, I don’t think that’s as big a struggle as getting buy in from myself. 

I am forever telling myself not to try things, not to suggest things, not to experience things. And why? Because it might not work? Because someone might think it is or I am rubbish? So what? 

Other people try things and it doesn’t work - generally speaking, no bad thing happens. So what’s stopping me?

That would be me. I stop me. That voice in my head that tells me I can’t. However, my primary school teacher’s voice lives rent free in my head with this saying: 

“If you think you can, you’re right. If you think you can’t you’re right.” 

At the age of ten, I didn’t particularly know what it meant, I just remember she would get us to repeat it. In the last few years, it has properly resonated with me. 

In practice, I’ve noticed I follow that pattern. I think I can’t or shouldn’t, so I don’t. I think I can so I try or do.

I strongly doubt I’m going to post this and go into every day as the little train that could, but I’m going to listen out for that teacher’s voice when I need my own buy in. 

Today’s mugshot

Serving up some Minnie Mouse and unkempt hair realness. 

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Uncertain musings.

Clearly, I’m rubbish at blogging. I haven’t written once since September! I think my problem is I use up my creative streak during the day or can’t be bothered when ideas come to me when I’m lying awake at night. 

I came on to write a post because I watched a webinar today, yes - another one. I know that’s pretty much all I’ve posted on this blog, I do have original thoughts sometimes and I’ll find a groove eventually. I digress. 

The webinar was on uncertainty, how we respond to it and how we can reframe it and convert uncertainty to opportunity. That gave me a wild hair up my butt to write a post, not because I particularly have anything new to add to the conversation but because I was feeling reflective and what do I do when I’m feeling reflective - write it down!

I don’t think anyone particularly likes uncertainty and I’ve certainly never thrived on it, I like knowing the script. However, the last few years have given us zero choice but to exist within it. I don’t even need to elaborate. 

Using my instincts to reframe my thought process is something I really took away from today. Like if I knew no bad thing would happen because I rode the wave of uncertainty - what would I do? What do I know now but probably won’t actually figure out properly for another six months when I’ve made sense of it? I know that sounds a bit airy fairy, but that sort of internal dialogue. 

Radical gratitude is something else I took away, like the things we take for absolute granted but when everything else we know is stripped away, will notice, appreciate and thank god, thank goodness, thank Kylie Minogue (or whoever it is you thank) for? Like a few years ago when bird song was suddenly all I could hear outside. 

There is way more to the webinar than the things I’m pulling out, but these are the things that stuck with me. I’m not really sure where my uncertainty tolerance levels are sitting but probably higher than they would have been a few years ago, because they’ve had to be. 

I’m not entirely sure how I go about turning uncertainty into opportunity but I think its more about finding opportunity or creativity amidst the unfamiliar. 

Anyhusan, that’s my musings for the day. See you when the inspiration next takes me! 

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Things I’ve learned working from home

When I started a new job remotely in January I initially worried that I’d struggle to work from home. I thought the lure of the television and my phone might be too strong. 

I’ve realised that I actually take to working from home quite well. I thought I’d mention a few things that I’ve learned in case they help anyone else. 

Visual notes are my friend and fellow DJ

I can take written notes but it really helps to have a visual that I can look at to remind me what happened in meetings, what the key points were that I need to act on. Having a visual also helps me to spur the creative side of my brain. 

Planning breaks is important 

I like to have my day planned and know what I’m going to work on and when, but I’ve learned if I don’t plan when I will stop for a break to rest my eyes or brain, I won’t. Sometimes you need to stop for a breath, whether that at home or in another workspace. 

Working set hours works for me 

I can set my hours to a certain extent but I tend to stick to the traditional 9-5, I try not to go over and run the risk of overworking. If I start earlier, I try to make sure I finish earlier, but still within my required number of hours. 

Dressing for work helps my mindset 

It wont be the same for everyone but for me, I find dressing as though I was going into the office helps me get into the mindset for working for home. There will be some days when I dress down but I’ve found if I’m dressed for a day at the office that’s where my head is at, if I’m dressed for a duvet day in my pink fluffy unicorn slippers, then my mind is probably on the next episode of drag race and a bowl of cereal. 

Those are just a few things that I’ve learned about myself working from home. I’d love to hear what other people have learned about themselves or what helps them to get into the work mindset when working from home. 

P.S

I’ve been procrastinating from writing another blog post, particularly as I’d rarely used this blog other than to write about in poster syndrome so this was more of a required step for myself. If it made for interesting reading, yay. 

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Stop faking it: 30 day challenge #24-30

 

Okay, so I’m two days premature of the 30 days but I’m away for the next few days and will most likely forget so I’m going to round this off today. 

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been actively trying to challenge my imposter syndrome by making small changes and ignoring the phrase ‘fake it until you make it’ 

Here’s what I have learned and will continue to keep trying:

Repeat it until you believe it

- I’ll keep thinking about what my strengths are and reminding myself of them. 

Learn that you earned it 

- I’ll keep a track of what I am grateful for or what I have achieved 

- I’ll keep reminding myself when I have earned something through hard work or skill - it hasn’t just happened. 

Practice it until you perfect it

- I’ll keep putting opportunities to do better 

- I’ll say yes to more opportunities that are outside my comfort zone, provided I can do them. 

- I’ll remember that I can say no and set boundaries where they are necessary. 

I promise to start blogging about other things soon!

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Stop faking it: 30 day challenge #8-23

Okay, so this is lazy but I forgot to do the daily blogs but I’ve essentially been doing the same things so I’ve caught up in one post!

Learn that you earned it - I’ve been keeping a note of all the things I’m grateful for or that I have achieved such as good feedback. 

Practice it until you perfect it - I’ve been trying to say yes to opportunities outside of my comfort zone and not let the ‘what if I’m not good enough’ voice in my head get in the way.  I’m also trying to make sure I make at least one comment in every meeting to make sure I contribute and don’t just observe. 

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Stop faking it: 30 day challenge #7

Today I noticed myself allowing imposter syndrome to manifest outside of a work setting. I was having a jokey conversation with my fiancé about selling my baking to make extra money then said I didn’t think my baking was good enough. He said I was undervaluing myself and that he’d paid more for worse than what I had brought him. 

I’m not not genuinely thinking about selling my brownies and the whole conversation was nonsense but it was a little reminder that that little voice that tells me I’m rubbish isn’t just with me when I’m a work, it can pop up whenever it wants. 

To challenge this, I’m going to practice my baking more until I perfect it - plus, it means more cake. Where is the bad?

 

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Stop faking it: 30 day challenge #6

 

Today I found myself actively challenging the voice in my head and overruling it with my resolve to work on myself. 

I was asked to be a ‘critical friend’ on a project my colleagues are working on and offer my thoughts and suggestions. I could tell that the words ‘why would they ask me?’ were on the tip of my mind’s tongue. 

Can a mind have a tongue? It would make sense, seeing as our minds can wander and mull things over - I digress.

I stopped myself in my tracks and immediately flipped it to learning that I earned it. I knew why they asked me and reasoned with myself that my input and insight would be helpful, otherwise they wouldn’t have asked. 

I said yes by asking myself: 

Am I doing it alone? No, other people are involved, I’m just lending a hand by offering thoughts. 

What’s the worst that could happen? They don’t like what I say. That’s unlikely and even if they didn’t, no bad thing is likely to arise from that. 

What’s the best thing that could happen? My contribution helps with their project. 

I feel good about being able to actively challenge my own thought process today. 

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Stop faking it: 30 day challenge #5

 

Something I realised today that I have allowed to feed my imposter syndrome is the fact that I look younger than I am. 

I’m quite lucky in that respect, for the most part, people are kind to me because they see the youthful face and have a comforting tone and a kinder delivery. Sometimes though, it can manifest in someone being patronising or dismissive of ‘the daft wee lassie’

I don’t always carry myself as the 32 year old that I am, which can perhaps come off as inexperience or ineptitude. When I do start to carry myself as a competent and experienced 32 year old, I’ve found people who assume I’m younger can read it as ‘getting above my station’ 

It was a harmless comment from an older colleague talking about old money that sparked the thought process in my head but it has reminded me to address it. It perhaps comes under ‘practice it until your perfect it’ - I can work on carrying myself not so much as a ‘grown up’ but as someone who has the experience and knowledge to contribute confidently. I just have to silence that voice in my head that tells me I shouldn’t - ahhh imposter syndrome, isn’t it fun? 

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Stop faking it: 30 day challenge #4

 

I didn’t particularly do anything over the weekend to merit posting about so I’m not going to hold myself hostage to a rigid 30 calendar days, just as and when I have had a chance to work on things. 

Today’s focus was another ‘Learn that you earned it’ 

I spoke in one of my posts a few days ago about receiving praise for a piece of work and not being massively comfortable taking it.  At an all staff meeting today, the same piece of work was highlighted and I received another compliment on it. Again, I didn’t really no how to take it, so I just smiled. I knew that it was a case of learning that I earned it and that I need to work on learning to appreciate the moments when nice things like that happen as a result of earning the moment. 

In the interest of ‘practice it until you perfect it’ - I actively made myself make a few comments in other meetings. In meetings, I tend to assume to role of silent observer because I have this idea in my head that if I speak, people will realise I don’t belong there - which is silly. So today I made myself actively speak a bit more. 

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Stop faking it: 30 day challenge #3

 

So, I forgot to do yesterday’s post but to be honest it was another day of ‘Learn that you earned it’ 

I spent a small portion of the day verbalising achievements of the week with the fiancé, not in a bragging sort of way, just in a reflection sort of way. 

It wasn’t a conscious choice to tick off an exercise, it just happened to be part of the conversation. 

Not sure what progress I’ll make over the weekend. 

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Stop faking it: 30 day challenge #2

 

Today’s progress on overcoming imposter syndrome is very much a focus on ‘Learn that you earned it’ 

Does anyone else feel super uncomfortable when someone says something nice about them or praises their work?

I’m pretty sure that won’t just be me. 

I got praise on a piece of work and instead of doing my usual uncomfortable screwed up face, I said thank you and reminded myself I’d put effort in and it was a good thing that the effort was acknowledged and to be grateful that the end result was well received.  

I also acknowledged that I had support from my boss to achieve it and that with her continued encouragement, belief in my abilities and guidance, I can tackle new tasks. 

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Stop faking it: 30 day challenge #1

I attended a webinar yesterday by The Marketing Meet-up on imposter syndrome. I think we all experience it to some extent and I know it’s something that has held me back in work and social situations.

I often attend such webinars, take notes and think about all the great ways I’m going to change my life. I then, of course, don’t bother my shirt and continue to be a creature of habit. 

What I really loved about Sahana’s session was that she introduced workable exercises and a 30 day challenge to practice giving them a go. This really struck a chord with me so I thought I’d give it a go. 

Sahana’s session offered three alternatives to ‘Fake it until you make it’ 

These were: 

• Repeat it until you believe it
• Learn that you earned it
• Practice it until you perfect it

It would be impractical to do every exercise every day so Sahana recommended focussing on three that are do-able and work on those. 

Today I’ve chosen to focus on:

• Finding my edge - what is my unique thing that makes me great? While working on something I watched on another webinar that spoke about finding your unique ability, I asked a few friends what they thought mine was. The answer that came back was my ability to see the positive, not in a toxic positivity kind of way but in a ‘stepping back, observing, and picking out the positives’ kind of way. 
• Learn that you earned it: writing down achievements, recognising the role others play in helping you achieve them and making a note of what your are grateful for. I’ve had a journal app on my phone for about a year that I rarely use that asks you what you are grateful for and what your highlights have been each day. I made a point of filling this in. 
• Saying yes to opportunities by asking myself, am I doing this alone? What is the worst thing that could happen? What is the best thing that could happen? I’ve actively said yes a few times since watching the webinar yesterday by either saying yes to something outside of my comfort zone or offering to do something outside of my comfort zone. 

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Time for fresh start

Hello! I decided to make a fresh start with my blog. 

I’d given myself a theme and then felt pressure to post within my theme, so I decided a fresh start was in order. 

New name, blank canvas, let’s go. 

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32 things

Everyone has an idea of the milestones they want to tick off by the time they reach certain ages. It’s been a strange year where creating your own entertainment, stimulation and activity are what you make of it. 

With this in mind, I decided with 22 days to go until my birthday, I was going to tick of a list of 32 things. A bit a few years ago when I did a 28 things by 28. Except, instead of 6 weeks, I came up with the idea of doing it with 22 days to go!

The list varied from doing something new to wearing my spare glasses, but it passed the time.  With one day to go, this blog is the last item on my list to be ticked off! Yay! 32 to in 22. 

There are real milestones to be ticked off in life, but until the world is a bit more normal, I’ll be creating my own entertainment and magic! 

Here’s my list and a few examples of my attempts: 

32 in 22

1. Make meatloaf from scratch ✅
2. Make hot cross buns ✅
3. Make bread ✅
4. Do a 5k walk ✅
5. Do a yoga session. ✅
6. Put money in savings account ✅
7. Have a picnic ✅
8. Make something totally new for breakfast ✅  
9. Spend a working day dressed as snow white ✅
10. Spend a working day dressed as dolly parton ✅
11. Learn a Dolly Parton song on the ukulele or flugel - Saturday/Sunday ✅
12. Go for a lunch time/after work walk ✅
13. Decorate an egg ✅
14. Paint my nails ✅
15. Wear a different pair of shoes every day ✅
16. Get car washed ✅
17. Sew something ✅
18. Wear a hat ✅
19. Wear my green glasses for a day ✅ 
20. Bake muffins ✅
21. Drink a beanies coffee ✅
22. Wear a leopard ensemble I’ve not worn before ✅
23. Spend a day dressed as a fairy ✅
24. Spend a day dressed as minnie mouse ✅
25. Watch a film I’ve never seen before ✅
26. Watch the one gilmore girls episode I’ve never seen ✅
27. Make a new origami thing ✅
28. Over indulge in chocolate ✅
29. Park litter pick ✅
30. Write a blog post ✅
31. Make a vision board ✅
32. Celebrate easter ✅

   

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Blogmas: Prattling nonsense about Christmas and Potatoes

 

We all knew when I posted a Blogmas post on December 1st that it would be highly unlikely I'd post daily.  It's not laziness, I promise. I just don't like posting when even I don't find it interesting! 

My December has been very different this year.  On a 'normal' year I'd be out nearly every day playing Christmas music either in the street, in a church of some sort or in a care facility for the elderly. 
This year, I've largely been sat on my posterior binge watching Riverdale. 

I've cut down largely on actually reading social media but I have been watching people's stories and posting nonsense, I just find it healthier not to engage with everything I scroll past. 
I think that might be what I take from this year, consume less - create more. 

James christened me 'Little Miss Christmas' in the past and that's actually quite a fair description, for a grown woman I am absolutely nuts on Christmas. 
It's fair to say I get high on the vibes of Christmas  - to clarify those vibes are the thoughts of turkey and roast potatoes! 

I've had the same Christmas Dinner at my Aunt and Uncle's home every year since I was born, I'm going to count the Christmas before I was born too as I'd have stolen some of that from my Mum's portion.   This year, I'm having my first Christmas Dinner at home - not cooked by me! Don't be daft!
Potatoes are my vice so when it comes to Christmas I go to next level tattie fiend! 
Not that you need to know that, dear reader, I just feel its helpful to paint a picture. 

I'm not sure this was remotely interesting to read but I was in the mood to prattle about Christmas and potatoes. 

This year, Christmas is going to be very different for all of us. 
I hope whatever you do, you have the best time you can.

I'll prattle some nonsense again soon.

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