Knilly Frickers

I did it again, I went nearly a whole year without posting anything, because I'm rubbish. If you're new here, I do this. If you're not new, you know this.  I have no real excuse this year - last year was the year of opposites, I had a lot on at work, my mother and father in law died 21 days apart, I got married four months later, there was grief, there was a Canadian honeymoon, there was stuff going on. I'd be lying if I said this year had been smooth sailing, but there's been more of a sense of calm.  I get to autumn and I get all airy fairy and contemplative, it's no longer about making it through the year, it's, as my boss beautifully put it this week, limping towards Christmas.  Years ago, and about three blogs ago - if you can be bothered scrolling far enough through the archive I've uploaded here - I used to write happy lists of all the things that made me happy, because I was a bit like Joy from inside out - happy because happy and even when it...

I've watched Gilmore Girls in its entirety several times, too many to count. I'm word perfect in some scenes and know from a frame or a line which episode it is. Roughly eight years ago I wrote a blog post professing that I am a Rory , I can't really judge the Rachie of eight years ago, because she probably was a Rory.  At that time I had limited bills, limited life experience and a desire to write.  35 year old me despairs at the thought of being a Rory.  No harm to Rory, in the earlier seasons I very much identified with her quiet nature, her penchant for literature and her desire to create. As she grow older and spent more time in, and gravitating towards, the world her mother ran fast and far from, she became less like someone that today's me would want to be.  These days I'm more of a Lorelai, quirky, a little more world weary, more of an idea of what it's like to have responsibility, a desperate need for morning coffee despite actually hating it.    T...

This is year so far has been a bit like a rollercoaster - actually no, Rachel doesn’t do rollercoasters, too much of a fearty - make that waltzer ride I got on but never stopped spinning.  It occurred to me in the midst of that, I haven’t posted on here at all!  I’ll start with the fun stuff, I got married a few weeks ago and became a wife! Went on a lovely honeymoon to Toronto on as much of a shoestring as we could! It was lovely and we absolutely want to visit again to visit the things we didn’t manage because there is so much to see and do.  I was particularly pleased with myself for doing the CN Tower - I normally get scared walking up the stairs to a slimming pool slide because it’s ‘too high’  Rewind a few weeks to the wedding, a similarly lovely time for me; though a little bittersweet.  To explain, we have to rewind a little again to March.  In March, my now husband lost both his parents just 22 days apart. We toyed with postponing but my husband fe...

  I’ve seen a lot of reflective ‘last post of the year’ content on my social feeds this week so decided to jump on the bandwagon since I’m nearly at the ‘Out of Office on” point in the week. I didn’t come into 2022 with any new year resolutions because when I haven’t magically transformed into Beyonce by the 9th of January, I conclude I’m rubbish and give up.  I came with a mindset of 2021 and 2020 were mental, come in quietly and don’t startle or spook anything! Looking back, I’ve done some cool things this year:  📚  Started and will soon finish a short course in understanding autism - close to my heart as my stepson, nephew and a few of the kids I volunteer with are autistic 👩‍🍳  Extended my cooking reportoire beyond eggs and pasta - James Martin I am not but the fiance says my curry is better than his mum’s and she can reaaaaallly cook.  🎤  Sang in front of people on my own at a Christmas service - while looking at a christmas tree so as not to ...

So, I’ve been following Alex Marrah on Instagram and moat days she kicks off her stories with how she’s going to show herself love or be kind to herself that day - like taking it easy, seeing a friend etc, and ends it with what she’s grateful for that day.  I’m channeling that today. Head has been buried in data for a lot of this week and my brain has maxed out.  So I’m being kind to myself  by allowing myself to eat as many of the peanut puffs (think cheetos but peanut) as I please and rewatching AJ and the Queen on the ‘ol flix.  While we’re on the subject, that was an epic little gem of programme and not renewing it was short sighted. Sort yourself out ‘flix!  I digress.  Today I’m grateful for: This morning’s hairwash. I’ve checked out on my curls a little over the summer. Hair feels a little more like mine today.  Pesto gnocchi, because pesto gnocchi The knowledge that tomorrow is Saturday and I don’t need to set my alarm 

I’m forty-ish minutes into my working day, I’m not dressed yet, my curly hair has succumbed to bedhead and needs washed and I’m still wearing my muppets pyjama top. However, my morning cup is filled with caffeine and enough flavour that I can’t taste the coffee, so I decided it was time for a blog! Here we!  I was reading an email the other day - I always read mailing list/marketing & comms emails as I know a Rachie somewhere has worked on that and that the stats will help whether I’m a converted to end goal reader or not. Anyhusan, it was about how to get buy in from colleagues for your work and to be honest, I don’t think that’s as big a struggle as getting buy in from myself.  I am forever telling myself not to try things, not to suggest things, not to experience things. And why? Because it might not work? Because someone might think it is or I am rubbish? So what?  Other people try things and it doesn’t work - generally speaking, no bad thing happens. So what’s st...

Clearly, I’m rubbish at blogging. I haven’t written once since September! I think my problem is I use up my creative streak during the day or can’t be bothered when ideas come to me when I’m lying awake at night.  I came on to write a post because I watched a webinar today, yes - another one. I know that’s pretty much all I’ve posted on this blog, I do have original thoughts sometimes and I’ll find a groove eventually. I digress.  The webinar was on uncertainty, how we respond to it and how we can reframe it and convert uncertainty to opportunity. That gave me a wild hair up my butt to write a post, not because I particularly have anything new to add to the conversation but because I was feeling reflective and what do I do when I’m feeling reflective - write it down! I don’t think anyone particularly likes uncertainty and I’ve certainly never thrived on it, I like knowing the script. However, the last few years have given us zero choice but to exist within it. I don’t even nee...

When I started a new job remotely in January I initially worried that I’d struggle to work from home. I thought the lure of the television and my phone might be too strong.  I’ve realised that I actually take to working from home quite well. I thought I’d mention a few things that I’ve learned in case they help anyone else.  Visual notes are my friend and fellow DJ I can take written notes but it really helps to have a visual that I can look at to remind me what happened in meetings, what the key points were that I need to act on. Having a visual also helps me to spur the creative side of my brain.  Planning breaks is important  I like to have my day planned and know what I’m going to work on and when, but I’ve learned if I don’t plan when I will stop for a break to rest my eyes or brain, I won’t. Sometimes you need to stop for a breath, whether that at home or in another workspace.  Working set hours works for me  I can set my hours to a certain extent but...

  Okay, so I’m two days premature of the 30 days but I’m away for the next few days and will most likely forget so I’m going to round this off today.  Over the past few weeks, I’ve been actively trying to challenge my imposter syndrome by making small changes and ignoring the phrase ‘fake it until you make it’  Here’s what I have learned and will continue to keep trying: Repeat it until you believe it - I’ll keep thinking about what my strengths are and reminding myself of them.  Learn that you earned it  - I’ll keep a track of what I am grateful for or what I have achieved  - I’ll keep reminding myself when I have earned something through hard work or skill - it hasn’t just happened.  Practice it until you perfect it - I’ll keep putting opportunities to do better  - I’ll say yes to more opportunities that are outside my comfort zone, provided I can do them.  - I’ll remember that I can say no and set boundaries where they are necessary. ...

Okay, so this is lazy but I forgot to do the daily blogs but I’ve essentially been doing the same things so I’ve caught up in one post! Learn that you earned it - I’ve been keeping a note of all the things I’m grateful for or that I have achieved such as good feedback.  Practice it until you perfect it - I’ve been trying to say yes to opportunities outside of my comfort zone and not let the ‘what if I’m not good enough’ voice in my head get in the way.  I’m also trying to make sure I make at least one comment in every meeting to make sure I contribute and don’t just observe. 

Today I noticed myself allowing imposter syndrome to manifest outside of a work setting. I was having a jokey conversation with my fiancé about selling my baking to make extra money then said I didn’t think my baking was good enough. He said I was undervaluing myself and that he’d paid more for worse than what I had brought him.  I’m not not genuinely thinking about selling my brownies and the whole conversation was nonsense but it was a little reminder that that little voice that tells me I’m rubbish isn’t just with me when I’m a work, it can pop up whenever it wants.  To challenge this, I’m going to practice my baking more until I perfect it - plus, it means more cake. Where is the bad?  

  Today I found myself actively challenging the voice in my head and overruling it with my resolve to work on myself.  I was asked to be a ‘critical friend’ on a project my colleagues are working on and offer my thoughts and suggestions. I could tell that the words ‘why would they ask me?’ were on the tip of my mind’s tongue.  Can a mind have a tongue? It would make sense, seeing as our minds can wander and mull things over - I digress. I stopped myself in my tracks and immediately flipped it to learning that I earned it. I knew why they asked me and reasoned with myself that my input and insight would be helpful, otherwise they wouldn’t have asked.  I said yes by asking myself:  Am I doing it alone? No, other people are involved, I’m just lending a hand by offering thoughts.  What’s the worst that could happen? They don’t like what I say. That’s unlikely and even if they didn’t, no bad thing is likely to arise from that.  What’s the best thing that co...

  Something I realised today that I have allowed to feed my imposter syndrome is the fact that I look younger than I am.  I’m quite lucky in that respect, for the most part, people are kind to me because they see the youthful face and have a comforting tone and a kinder delivery. Sometimes though, it can manifest in someone being patronising or dismissive of ‘the daft wee lassie’ I don’t always carry myself as the 32 year old that I am, which can perhaps come off as inexperience or ineptitude. When I do start to carry myself as a competent and experienced 32 year old, I’ve found people who assume I’m younger can read it as ‘getting above my station’  It was a harmless comment from an older colleague talking about old money that sparked the thought process in my head but it has reminded me to address it. It perhaps comes under ‘practice it until your perfect it’ - I can work on carrying myself not so much as a ‘grown up’ but as someone who has the experience and knowledge ...

  I didn’t particularly do anything over the weekend to merit posting about so I’m not going to hold myself hostage to a rigid 30 calendar days, just as and when I have had a chance to work on things.  Today’s focus was another ‘Learn that you earned it’  I spoke in one of my posts a few days ago about receiving praise for a piece of work and not being massively comfortable taking it.  At an all staff meeting today, the same piece of work was highlighted and I received another compliment on it. Again, I didn’t really no how to take it, so I just smiled. I knew that it was a case of learning that I earned it and that I need to work on learning to appreciate the moments when nice things like that happen as a result of earning the moment.  In the interest of ‘practice it until you perfect it’ - I actively made myself make a few comments in other meetings. In meetings, I tend to assume to role of silent observer because I have this idea in my head that if I speak, p...

  So, I forgot to do yesterday’s post but to be honest it was another day of ‘Learn that you earned it’  I spent a small portion of the day verbalising achievements of the week with the fiancé, not in a bragging sort of way, just in a reflection sort of way.  It wasn’t a conscious choice to tick off an exercise, it just happened to be part of the conversation.  Not sure what progress I’ll make over the weekend. 

  Today’s progress on overcoming imposter syndrome is very much a focus on ‘Learn that you earned it’  Does anyone else feel super uncomfortable when someone says something nice about them or praises their work? I’m pretty sure that won’t just be me.  I got praise on a piece of work and instead of doing my usual uncomfortable screwed up face, I said thank you and reminded myself I’d put effort in and it was a good thing that the effort was acknowledged and to be grateful that the end result was well received.   I also acknowledged that I had support from my boss to achieve it and that with her continued encouragement, belief in my abilities and guidance, I can tackle new tasks. 

I attended a webinar yesterday by The Marketing Meet-up on imposter syndrome. I think we all experience it to some extent and I know it’s something that has held me back in work and social situations. I often attend such webinars, take notes and think about all the great ways I’m going to change my life. I then, of course, don’t bother my shirt and continue to be a creature of habit.  What I really loved about Sahana’s session was that she introduced workable exercises and a 30 day challenge to practice giving them a go. This really struck a chord with me so I thought I’d give it a go.  Sahana’s session offered three alternatives to ‘Fake it until you make it’  These were:  Repeat it until you believe it Learn that you earned it Practice it until you perfect it It would be impractical to do every exercise every day so Sahana recommended focussing on three that are do-able and work on those.  Today I’ve chosen to focus on: Finding my edge - what is my unique thin...

Hello! I decided to make a fresh start with my blog.  I’d given myself a theme and then felt pressure to post within my theme, so I decided a fresh start was in order.  New name, blank canvas, let’s go. 

Everyone has an idea of the milestones they want to tick off by the time they reach certain ages. It’s been a strange year where creating your own entertainment, stimulation and activity are what you make of it.  With this in mind, I decided with 22 days to go until my birthday, I was going to tick of a list of 32 things. A bit a few years ago when I did a 28 things by 28. Except, instead of 6 weeks, I came up with the idea of doing it with 22 days to go! The list varied from doing something new to wearing my spare glasses, but it passed the time.  With one day to go, this blog is the last item on my list to be ticked off! Yay! 32 to in 22.  There are real milestones to be ticked off in life, but until the world is a bit more normal, I’ll be creating my own entertainment and magic!  Here’s my list and a few examples of my attempts:  32 in 22 Make meatloaf from scratch  ✅ Make hot cross buns  ✅ Make bread  ✅ Do a 5k walk  ✅ Do a yoga session....

  We all knew when I posted a Blogmas post on December 1st that it would be highly unlikely I'd post daily.  It's not laziness, I promise. I just don't like posting when even I don't find it interesting!  My December has been very different this year.  On a 'normal' year I'd be out nearly every day playing Christmas music either in the street, in a church of some sort or in a care facility for the elderly.  This year, I've largely been sat on my posterior binge watching Riverdale.  I've cut down largely on actually reading social media but I have been watching people's stories and posting nonsense, I just find it healthier not to engage with everything I scroll past.  I think that might be what I take from this year, consume less - create more.  James christened me 'Little Miss Christmas' in the past and that's actually quite a fair description, for a grown woman I am absolutely nuts on Christmas.  It's fair to say I get high on t...