Dear Wee Rachie: Learn to say no.

Dear Wee Rachel, 

Learn to say no.

No is a great word, use it! You are great at using it! Whether it’s your brother asking if he can use your room to watch TV (the TV you have in there right now is pants, so for context, you end up with Gran Brown’s big ass telly at some point, never mind why) or Mum asking if you have or will tidy your room. 

At some point over the years, I can’t really remember when, you develop this compulsive need to please people, to have them think that you are effortlessly nice and will always say yes and find a way to help them if you can.  Don’t misunderstand me, it’s not a bad way to be but sometimes Rachel, I could have kicked you hard in the face with a thousand stilettos - you’ll never own any because you’d break your neck and you’d look like an idiot, but that’s irrelevant. 

Saying yes is fine, being nice is a fantastic thing to be, but this fear of saying no is not even close to being acceptable.   

People will still like you even if you say no, you don’t need to let Mark and Toto (don’t even get me started on the stupid nicknames the kids you spent your days with at school had) talk you into letting them have the money you brought with you for lunch, what the hell are you going to buy lunch with? No wonder you have no energy and fall asleep in class, you muppet! 

They aren’t bullying you – they like you, but don’t think for a second they aren’t taking advantage of the fact you don’t like saying no.

You don’t need to carry Jamie and Graeme’s English work in your bag every day because they have dirty P.E kits in their bag,  if they have messy essays that’s their problem, tell them no! 

You don’t need to supply everyone in your class with a pen just because they asked you and they know you have enough pens to start a sustainable stationary business. Of course they’ll like you, you’ll be Pen Girl and Pen Girl is a cool thing to be (I’m sorry, it doesn’t come with a cape, in hindsight that would have been epic – sorry!) but when you reach the stage of allowing literally every single person in your English class borrow a pen from you on a daily basis because you don’t want to say no, you are letting people abuse your kindness and walk all over you.

There are probably other slightly more important examples in your upcoming future of when you really should have said no but I won't give you a hard time for those - screw ups are part of how you learn not to be an asshat.

I get it, I really do! You are afraid if you say no people won’t like you or want to be your friend or think you are nice or think you are 'socially acceptable'. 
I want to impress upon you that saying yes doesn’t make a damn bit of difference! 

There will still be people who dislike you, get used to it.   There will be people who think you aren’t a nice person, so what? 

 Stop saying yes to things you don’t want to do or it will turn you into someone you don’t want to be.  Start saying no to things you don’t want to do and become the person you do want to be. 

The people worth having in your life will still like you, the people who know you will like you for you - whether you say yes or no.

It’s not all bad, sometimes not saying no when you want to works out great, you didn’t really want to say yes when Gillian asked if you wanted to help out at youth club and it’s one of the best things you ever said yes to.

P.S – Wear what you want! I’m not suggesting you should turn up to your Gran's house in an outfit made from barbed wire and a dustbin but don’t save your stripey socks or funky shoes for a day when you won’t be in a class with any dumbasses, dress like you!