Lunchtime Ramblings: Musings of a December Monday

It’s seven days til Christmas! I’m not sure where this year has gone! Well, I grasp the passage of time but I do feel like it’s zoomed past! 

There are also two weeks left of this year, I’m not really into this new year new me nonsense, but it is my opportunity to think about how I want the year ahead to take shape.

Normally at this time of year I make a list of all the things I dislike about myself and try to channel them into ways I’m going to change.  I’m not really into that anymore. 

I’ll always want to be the best version of myself but that doesn’t mean I have to change everything about who I am.

That’s not me saying I’m awesome, flawless and require no self improvement, but I don’t need to become someone else to achieve it.

Right, that’s my mind cleansed of thoughts for Monday lunch time, I’m going to try and get back in the habit of getting my musings out of my head and onto paper more often. 

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Blogmas Musings: Hello December.

It’s officially the first of December, at time of writing in Scotland anyway. It’s already the second in some parts of the world and by the time you read this December could have been and gone. 

I’m side tracking, December is here. I’m turning into one of those people who comments on how quickly the year has gone in - like elderly ladies at bus stops, I’m not sure if that’s a universal thing or a Scottish thing where we pass the time of day with fellow soon to be bus passengers by commenting on the speed at which time accelerate and how the weather of this particular season is vastly inferior to the years prior - back to my point, this year really has gone quickly.

I really do feel like not that long ago 2017 was a fresh new year and I was ready to tackle it with gusto and determination.

There is now a matter of days left of the year before the next begins and I’m wondering where it has gone.  

Usually around this time of year I start to panic when people talk about being organised for Christmas and all the fun things they have planned.  I usually turn into a big ball of stress because time runs away from me and I have to rush about to get everything I feel like I need to have done achieved.

This year I’ve decided I’m not doing that. Or rather I’m going to try not to do that. I know my Decembers are busy, I play in a brass band and I know that a significant portion of my time will be dedicated to playing music, I have a full time job and know that an even more significant portion of my time will be taken up with my working day. 

I spend most of my day on the internet and can take what advantage I can of the ability or order online or click and collect at my leisure. 

The people I love will be grateful for any presents I buy them whether I purchased them on the 7th of July or the 23rd of December.  

This year, I’m going to enjoy the month of December, regardless of how busy I end up being, how grumpy the humans I encounter are, how grumpy I get or how I fed up I am of hearing the same sounds.

There aren’t many days left of 2017 and I attend to embrace the adventure I find in each one. 

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Being in the moment.

I've shared some of my happy lists on my blog before.

Sometimes I write them when I'm feeling a little down and it reminds me of all thing things I have to be happy about, sometimes I write them when I'm feeling quite good. 

Today I've had a fairly quiet and reflective day, I have quite a few weekends like that a month where I shut down for a little while and take stock of where I am, what I'm doing - in life and in that moment and think about where I want to get to or things I'd like to do.

My friend was speaking to me about how she's drafting up a list of things she'd like to do/achieve in 2018 and I thought that sounded like a great idea, I've loads of things I'd like to try, experience or achieve and over the next few weeks I'll put some thought in to that. 

For today though, I thought I'd make a list of some things that make me smile in the here and now. 

I'm used to keeping myself busy and I can get into a habit of thinking so much about what is coming next that I forget to check into whats going on around me in that exact moment.

I'm going to try and get back into the habit of doing these more often to remind myself of everything I have to smile about and to be present in the moment.

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Lunchtime Ramblings: Battery Recharge

My head hasn’t really been in the game for the last month, it’s become a bit foggy, I’ve been extra tired and lacking in energy.

I started comparing myself to my phone this week, which sounds daft..but stick with me.

My phone is by my side all day, I check and use it a lot, I go home and use it there while simultaneously using other devices and then I leave it sitting on all night while I sleep, not using it, just sitting idle by my bedside. 

In a way I kind of treat myself like that too.  I get up, sometimes I forget to have breakfast, go to work, run on empty until lunch, feel sluggish afterwards because I’ve eaten something unhealthy and then meander my way through the rest of the day.  

I’ll go to my other weekly activities after work, then I’ll come home, snack on rubbish and over stimulate my brain with devices galore and go to bed late because I’ve binged watched my way through some box sets on Netflix or watched about 4 soaps one after the other and then I’ll go to sleep with a few hours until I get up and do it all over again.

Much like my phone, which sits on charge for most of the day, I need to recharge my batteries and let myself get to full working power before I take on my tasks for the day.

For me that means more than going to bed earlier, I need a better diet and I need to put my phone and other devices down sometimes to give my brain a rest from over stimulation.

I’ve been trying over the last week or so to make sure I always have a breakfast to start the day off and to have at least an hour away from using my phone.  

I’ve had mixed success but after making myself go to bed much earlier last night, making sure I had breakfast and didn’t binge watch or eat too much nonense; I woke up feeling much more recharged and today I’ve hit a creative spark in terms of ideas for work, for one of my volunteering roles, for Christmas shopping and for my blog.

I’m going to try and charge my batteries more often, ensuring that I rest when I need to, eat the right things and try not to over stimulate my brain with an endless stream information.  

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Stepping Out Of My Comfort Zone

About two and a half years years ago I wrote a blog post about doing one thing every day that scares me. 

I've done this in fits and starts since then with varying results.
At the time of writing the original post, I'd just decided to resume driving lessons, the outcome being that I've now been driving for a year and that's a direct result of doing something that scared me.

I haven't stuck to that commitment of doing something scary every day, I've been less terrified to fry an egg (heck I poach them now) or get stuck at traffic lights on a steep hill but I haven't set out to purposefully remove myself from the comfort and security of my own bubble. 

I thought I'd done the occasionally daring thing, my hair was post box red when I started my blog, it's now black and blue but looking back that wasn't really a daring choice. That was done in an effort to put myself back in my box a little bit. 

I've kinda been putting myself in a box for the last while, not necessarily switching off aspects of who I am, but more allowing them to become dormant.

I've decided I need to start pushing myself out of my comfort again and switch some of those parts of Rachie back on.
The parts of me that relished adventure, discovery, fun and magic. 

I'm not necessarily going to try and put myself in a scary situation every day for the sake of it, but I'm going to seize more opportunities to metaphorically sink or swim by doing something that doesn't naturally sit in my zone of comfort.

If I'm rubbish at something, I gave it a try and experienced something new, if I'm great then that's a new discovery I can take with me onto whatever I tackle next.

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Quirky Reads - Essentialism:The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown

I’m on annual leave today, I’m not actually away on holiday anywhere, just taking a few days to chill and relax.  My original plan was to make use of Netflix, binge watch something, do some online shopping seeing as it’s pay day………today had other plans for me.   The internet was down, the television was down and my xbox game collection consists of games that are far more appealing to my 12-year-old nephew than myself – so I decided to read one of the mountain of books lying on my bedroom floor.

In a moment of amusement given my lack of technological stimulation, I picked up Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown.

This book was recommended to me by my colleague Chelsea, she had read one of my blogs last year about my inability to say no to things I don’t want to do (you can read that here if you wish) and recommended to me that I read this book.

I’d be lying if I said that I’ll go through the rest of my life suddenly starting to throw out no’s all over the place in my pursuit of becoming an essentialist, for a start that’s not the purpose of the book, but I recognised a few of my traits in the pages of this book.

I absolutely try to take on everything and do it all, I definitely try to take on other people’s problems or try to please them and I certainly look for the quick fix.

I do need to start looking at all of the things I take on and start thinking about what is actually necessary, what can I make the best job of, what is actually becoming a hindrance to my productivity as a person and a worker.

I need to start identifying the right things to say no to and why it is the right decision to say no.  

I need to recognise when my answer is no and stop saying yes.

Rather than allowing myself to become unproductive because my brain is too scattered between too many different things or because I can’t find the time or the space, I can start looking for what my obstacles actually are rather than just allowing them to put up a great big road block.

Finding some time to switch off from certain things like social media and needless noise is something I could be doing.I can’t remember who said it but I do remember hearing someone say

‘If you are connected everywhere, you are present nowhere’

It struck a chord with me and every once in a while it pops back into my head. I don’t think I’d manage to block everything out every day but I could make small steps by finding time once a week or a few times a month.

I deliberately avoid going into too much detail on my book musings because I don’t want to take away from someone what they could take from the books I've read.  

I’ve tried to do the same with this one and purely focused on what I am taking from it.

I’d highly recommend it to anyone, I didn’t realise before I read it how much my compulsive need to please others is preventing me from achieving the best results I could be achieving.
That won’t change overnight, but it will light a fire under my butt to become more of an essentialist.

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Laughing at me, not with me.

I’m far from being the perfect human being, I’m deeply flawed, make silly choices sometimes and I’m often annoying but I like to think that for the most part I’m an okay person.

  

I have some traits that I like and hate about myself in equal measure.

One is my ability to let things go and another is my reluctance to make a fuss.

I like that I can let very little bother me but it also means that I let others away with things that I shouldn’t. My reluctance to make a fuss kind of goes hand in hand with this. 

This week I let both of those take over. I visited a restaurant - I won’t mention which one - where the person serving me clearly found something amusing about my appearance. I am all kinds of quirky but for me I was dressed very tame, this wasn’t a 'what is she wearing’ or ‘she looks odd’, this was just straight up finding amusement 
at the way I look. 

I felt very uncomfortable as whilst I couldn’t hear what was being said it was blatantly obvious I was being mocked.
Making fun of your customers is bad enough, but to make it obvious is worse. 

In hindsight I should have cancelled my order and left but I decided to let it go and not make a fuss, but spent the entirety of my visit feeling insecure and sad.  I later felt guilty for complaining, as I always do when I complain about something as I don’t want to cause a fuss.

As someone who embraces all things quirky and individual, I’ve learned to care less about what others think and let a lot of my insecurities go, but I guess no one likes to be mocked when it’s obvious it’s happening. 

Although I will choose to let this experience go and not dwell on it, I will make a vow from here on in not to put up with unkindness or bullying towards myself or others. I’ve always had that general approach but I never seize too many opportunities it into practice unless I have a duty of care to others.   

That changes from today. 

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