Dear Wee Rachie: What are you doing with your life?

Dear Wee Rachel,  

What are you doing with your life? 

It’s a dreaded question for anyone, whether you’re a handsomely paid director of a big ass organisation or a former child star with a fading profile and a catchphrase to your name (you’re neither by the way!).

Generally speaking, no one is 100% happy with every aspect of their lives, even the lucky sods who seemingly have everything in their lives figured out – news flash, they don’t! 

Some people have a better answer to that question than others, “I’m a director of a big organisation” probably sounds better than “I’m unemployed and focusing on my sitcom reruns” but the good answers probably don’t include the crappy things that keep them awake at night, the pressures of their job or the lack of time they have to do things away from their high stress careers.

If you are sitting thinking that your life is a bit crap and you don’t have a scooby how you are going to change it, welcome to the boat, absolutely everyone on this planet we call earth is already on it!

Ok, so you might not be in need of a telethon or a therapist, but you’ve come to the realisation that sometimes, life is a bit crap because it just is.  That’s a lesson some people go through life and never learn, you are already years ahead in discovery than some who came before you, it might not be Nobel Prize worthy but in my eyes it’s blooming impressive!

I can be a bit fortune cookie at times for a spatially challenged 26 year old who walks into the same doorpost on a daily and often hourly basis but I like to think I have a good grasp of these things. Someone somewhere coined the phrase ‘an old head on young shoulders’ to describe it when a young person has a knack for saying something profound – you’ll hear it a lot, not necessarily to describe you, but occasionally.  It’s a fancy way of saying that you have grasped early on in life an understanding of something that some adults have yet to master – the collective term for such adults is often referred to as Morons – fear them!

I used to be embarrassed to answer that question with the truth – I’m unemployed and desperately hoping someone will give me a chance to prove myself. I’d go for something that made me sound like a semi proactive human being such as ‘I’ve just finished uni and I’m volunteering until I find a job in my field’ because it sounded better than – ‘I spend my time filling out application forms, making origami and watching charmed reruns whilst simultaneously crying on the inside and eating Wotsits’ (other cheesy corn puff snacks are available, although maybe not for you – apparently milk makes you ill – spoiler!). 

Since becoming unemployed for the second time in two years I’ve learned to be less concerned about that pitying or judgmental look I might get and go with honesty.  My answer to the dreaded question is now “I was on a fixed term contract as an intern, I’m now unemployed as I’ve yet to successfully pass another interview, but fingers crossed eh?” if I’m speaking to a sensible person, they’ll know that’s my polite way of saying bog off and stop asking me, my answer is the same as it was two days ago when you last asked me.  If I’m speaking to one of the aforementioned Morons, who treats me as if unemployment is a lifestyle choice, I calmly remind myself that my situation is hopefully temporary, whereas being an asshat is generally infinite.

I’m telling you this because while you don’t have to be content with unfortunate circumstances, you sure as hell don’t have to be ashamed of them either! No one’s life is perfect, your flaws, shortcomings and struggles are part of what makes you who you are – human!

For me the secret to overcoming the crappy things in my life is to own them, they are mine! I’m not unemployed because the world hates me and lets bad things happen to me. I’m unemployed because there are many other jobseekers like me and I have limited experience.  I’m not skinny because I like to eat lots of food, and I’m not Beyoncé because I’m me and frankly if I were Beyoncé, Beyoncé wouldn’t be Beyoncé and that just wouldn’t be fair on the world.  Oh yeah, you develop an unhealthy obsession with Beyoncé, just accept it.

Regardless of what you are doing with your life or how you feel about your life, it’s yourlife, own it, change it, live it, don’t wait around for it to get better or begin, carpe doughnut! Seize it!

P.S - I’m sorry you’re not an actress or a giraffe, but you did find a career path that you’re good at, sometimes it’s a great outlet for being a smartarse, you don’t have to hide that by the way, just try not to annoy anyone! 

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Dairy Free Rachie

Dairy Free Rachie

I have noticed for many years that I often sneeze after I eat.

I also noticed that I seemed to get a sore stomach and visit the toilet often. 

It took me until this year to start trying to figure out what was causing these things so I started a food diary, keeping track of what I ate and how it made me feel.  I soon noticed that everything was pointing towards Dairy/Milk.

After trying a few alternatives to milk and feeling better for it, I went to visit my doctor and she confirmed that I have an intolerance to dairy and I've been trying to cut it out of my diet and try alternatives.

 I still occasionally have something I shouldn't like donuts/doughnuts - but I soon regret it, although sometimes the after effect is minor.

There are advantages, my real weakness when it comes to food is chocolate, specifically milk chocolate.
I would often go through a bar or a big treat bag in one sitting, sometimes more than once a day - I've almost cut it out completely and have come across a few dairy free alternatives - my mum even bought me a dairy free chocolate advent calendar - for context, I'm 26 so she went above and beyond in terms of kindness!

As well as eating less crap, I'm sleeping better too.  I used to take hours to manage to settle at night - possibly because I would have some cereal or a milky drink before bed, sometimes noise will keep me awake but I'm doing much better and getting some shut eye!

In the day time I feel much more awake and full of energy, whereas in the past I've wanted to seek out the nearest table or surface to rest my head on.

I might do some reviews or share some recipes of dairy free things I come across on my blog.  I've been trying some different brands of soya and almond based cheese so I might do something with that. 

Hopefully it'll help someone else who feels crappy after they eat or looking for some alternatives.

Feel free to share any brands/recipes/thoughts in the comments, if you have any food intolerance/allergies/preferences, maybe we could all help each other out.

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Dear Wee Rachie: An Introduction

I started writing letters to my younger self last summer, shortly after my contract on my job ended and I was looking for something to do to pass the time in between application forms and volunteering.
These eventually turned into a bit of self therapy for myself when I was feeling a bit crappy and I thought I would put some of them up on my blog, I've edited a few bits like changing 25 to 26 and circumstances that have changed etc.  I'll play it by ear whether I put any more on, I'm unsure, but here was the first one I wrote myself. 

Dear Wee Rachel,   

Rachie, Rach or whatever variation of Rachel you are going by at the present moment.

It’s me, well it’s you, I’m you, but I’m future you! Don’t be scared, I’m perfectly normal, well, I’m as normal as you are.  There will be times when you wonder and imagine what it will be like to be me - I remember what it was like to be you! I wanted to get in touch, I don’t want to spoil your hopes and dreams or give you too many spoilers but I thought I’d offer you some insights that I’ve picked up along the way that might have been useful to me back when I was you.  

To paraphrase dear old Madonna (I say old, she is probably more active and in better shape in her 50s than I am in during my 20s or ever will be - if I look half as good as she does when I’m past the half century mark, I'll dance around in my pants too! *Note – I won’t Mum, I’m just being a smartarse) we are living in a material world and I am a...... graduate with no job.   Ok, one spoiler, you went to university; (you passed exams and everything!) I bet you can’t begin to fathom that right now, but believe it or not, you aren’t actually stupid!

Back to the whole crappy being unemployed thing, I'm not at all unique in that, for every job I apply for, every interview I go along to, I am going up against hundreds of me's (they may not have my self-inflicted red hair, my grasp of sarcasm or my ridiculous phobias of feet and tiny insects), but like me they've studied their craft, read a thousand books that bore little relevance to the career path they wanted to follow but merely helped them to pass a module that was the best of a limited selection that semester (I digress but yes, I am talking about Film Theory Goes to the Movies, Catriona if you ever read this, you are a fantastic educator and I thoroughly enjoyed that module, also reading about the monstrous feminine made me question whether my body really was a monster and helped me come to the realisation that most theorists in that subject are misogynistic muppets - thank you!). Getting back to the point, the hundreds of me's that I come up against are suffering from the same problem that myself and others across the world are - too many job seekers, not enough opportunities. It’s not much fun but you aren’t alone. 

There will be some for whom everything generally works out straight away because it’s just who they are - they are pushy in the good way,  they view tutors as potential industry contacts, they’ve been networking since the age of conception and have that steely determination to achieve the best no matter what the cost, and while that makes you feel crap, it’s the difference between them and us unassuming folk who let the life come to them and hope for the best and teaches us an important lesson - grab life by the balls or you'll spend your days scratching yours!! (Yes I know you have no balls of which to speak, imagine metaphorical balls for effect!).

I’m a 26 year old graduate struggling to find employment in a competitive field with red hair (yes you have red hair now and Mum loves it, Dad doesn’t really acknowledge it, which probably means its fine!), a smart mouth and a pink ukulele.
You have had some jobs, an amazing one year internship, some admin contracts and you invigilate exams.  It's not all hopeless.
 My musings of the world probably won’t be the most insightful anyone will ever read or change the world but hopefully they might help you or someone like you to feel better about their life, maybe they’ll amuse someone further on in life with an penchant for nostalgia or maybe it’ll just make a judgmental old pensioner I know feel a little less smug to see that I do more with my time than sit on social media accounts all day - three of which I have open as I type -  yeah, I can multi-task bitch!

I'll write to you again soon.

P.S – I say this with love, and hindsight…. Throw out that bloody awful Orange padded jacket, you look like a pumpkin!

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Who/What I want to be when I'm older.

Who/What I want to be when I'm older.


Yesterday, someone asked me what I want to be when I'm older.  

My initial response was going to be 'younger' but seeing as it was an eight year old that asked me the question, I figured being a smart arse probably wasn't the best way to answer the question.

I didn't actually give much of an answer which I felt a little bit bad about - I could have answered the question.

I know exactly what area I want to be in career wise.
I dread people who are younger than me asking me about career stuff, particularly if it has been close to a time when I haven't been successful in an interview or application.
 I'd feel awful if I accidentally passed on my own insecurities about my future on to someone else.

Most of the time, I'm fairly positive about my job search, I'm looking for employment in a very competitive field and going up against strong competition, so it stands to reason that sometimes,
 I'm not going to be lucky one.   

I'm working in the meantime, earning some money, learning to drive and keeping myself busy.

There are occasions however, when other people's opinions can feed into my insecurity.
There are some people I know, lovely though they are, that don't understand that looking for relevant work is often a full time job in itself and that making the shortlist for an interview can feel as big an achievement as making the final 4 at a Grand Slam. 

An easier question would be 'Who do you want to be when you are older?'

• I want to be someone that works hard - whether that is in my chosen career path or not.
• I want to be someone that has confidence in the things I know I can do and confidence in being able to ask for help with the things I know I can't do just so well.
• I want to be someone that has made enough stupid mistakes to have learned from them how to be a semi decent human being.
• I want to be someone that encourages others to aspire to reach their goals but know that not achieving them isn't the worst thing in the world and doesn't mean that they are not good enough to achieve them.

There's more to the person I want to be when I'm older, but maybe that's a blog post for a few years time when I'm hopefully a step closer to feeling confident in being that person. 

Maybe the next time someone asks me what I want to be, I can be someone who answers the question without feeling insecure about whether or not I'll get to achieve those goals in the future. 

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Autumn Magic

Yesterday I went for an 'Autumn Walk' with James and by autumn walk I mean I had a wander through the park walking on crunchy leaves and taking pictures!

There's something quite therapeutic about autumn, I know it's when things start to wither and die off but it's like bit like a scrubology where nature has a bit of a clean up by clearing out the parts that have gone into disrepair or gathered a few dust bunnies too many in order to make way for all the new things that will replace them in spring.

I also like that autumn is when pollen stops being released and I stop sneezing briefly until I catch a cold! 

My only regret from yesterday is that while I was walking under some trees there was a big gust that blew lots of leaves off the trees and it looked as if they were dancing in time with each other as they fell to the ground - by the time I got my phone out to take a picture, they had all landed.  It was a magical thing to see though.

Another magical moment was watching squirrels, which I didn't get any photos of either because they were too speedy. I saw two squirrels in particular approaching a family with two young boys who had brought some tiny nibbles for them and actually come right up to them and take food from their hand.  Usually when I see squirrels and humans in close proximity, the squirrel runs off fairly quickly so it was pretty cool to see that.  

Here's some of the pictures that I took, most of them will probably find their way into what's left of my 100 Days of Happy - 20 days left!

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Personal Space/Personal Bubbles.

I can come across as a bit weird sometimes - hardly surprising to anyone who has ever met me! Haha!

Sometimes I come across as weird because I'm embracing my quirks or being a bit silly but sometimes it's because I have a mini internal panic if someone is standing just a bit too close to me or randomly touches me without prior warning.  

I used to think I was just a bit weird, as I kid I never liked holding hands with other kids in the line as we walked from classroom to classroom, I hated hide and seek because I'd often have to hide in a small space or in close proximity to another human, 

Even now as an adult, I don't especially like people touching me or standing too close to me, I prefer to initiate hugs unless it is someone I know very well and trust, I feel uncomfortable if I'm boxed into space between two people, I feel uncomfortable if someone is standing so close to me that they really ought to have bought me dinner and a bunch of flowers first. 

I've slowly started to realise that while I could be doing with calming down a little about things like that (even if I only have a bit of a freak out inside my head and don't actually mention to anyone for fear of coming across as rude) and my issue isn't that I'm weird - my issue is that I have a thing about personal space. 

I like having my own little personal space of safety - that tiny little space between myself and the rest of the universe that belongs to me and where any traffic that passes by be it human or object does so  fleetingly or with my permission.   My mother and I refer to it as 'My Bubble'.

Sometimes I need to get a grip, I absolutely want people to come sit with me, stand with me, talk to me and spend time with me,  I would hate for someone to think I was unapproachable or being purposely rude.
 I just need that tiny little space where I can breathe and feel comfortable.
There are times however when I feel like I need to trust that my gut is telling me that taking a physical step backwards or to the side is for my own safety or comfort. 

I'm not the only person in the world who has a thing about personal space, there will be plenty of others who feel the same way.  If anyone reading this has the same issue, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments! Do you have any coping methods you use?

On a completely unrelated note.........

My big brother got married last week and one of my fave things about the day was that set out at everyone's place at the dinner table was bubbles in a little wedding cake bottle!
On this occasion - I really did have my own personal bubble - many bubbles to be precise!
I've been having way too much fun with these at home!

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Quirky Reads: Dream a Little Dream by Giovanna Fletcher

Rachie's Musings on: Dream a Little Dream by Giovanna Fletcher

It has come to my attention recently that my mother reads my blog which has paid off because after mentioning in a previous post I'd quite like to read Giovanna Fletcher's new book Dream a Little Dream....she bought it for me......thanks Mum! :-)

This is my second Giovanna Fletcher book, the first one I read was Billy and Me and it very quickly became one of my favourite books.

I mentioned that I could relate to the main character Sophie in Billy and Me and I found myself also relating to the main character Sarah in Dream a Little Dream. 

Sarah is 29 and a bit dissatisfied with life, she's become bored of a job she hoped would be a stepping stone after graduation and aspires to have the career she always dreamed of. I can sort of relate to that.  The world isn't always as shiny and exciting as we hoped it would be after university/college/school.
For every graduate who secures their dream job, there are just as many, if not more, who have to settle for what they can get rather than what they dreamed of. 

There are similarities between my friends and Sarah's group of friends, so much so that I could imagine some of my friends saying their dialogue!
She also loves a Katsu Curry - my kinda woman!

As the title suggests, Sarah has some seriously interesting dreams which become very interesting when the subject of her dreams - Brett, a friend of a friend she met about 10 years earlier - gets a job in the same office she works in. 

I really enjoyed Dream a Little Dream, there were one or two saucy bits I wasn't expecting and took me by surprise! It took me three evenings to read, only stopping when my brain informed me it was time to go to sleep.

Having watched some of Giovanna's videos on youtube, I sort of pictured her in my mind as Sarah, which may or may not be a good thing, but I don't think it does any harm.

Similarly with Billy and Me, I felt like I wasn't reading a story.

Giovanna has this amazing ability to make me feel like I'm part of the world her stories are set in and I'm deep in conversation with her characters for a few hours.

Something that I took from Dream a Little Dream was that while dreams are great, it's important not to use them as a place to set the bar.
Sometimes great things come along and while they may not be exactly what you dreamed of or were hoping for, they can be really awesome and in some circumstances they can be even better than you imagined!

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