Lunchtime Ramblings: Out of Mind Experience

It's been a whole week since I did any rambling of the written kind. I've had a really horrible cold over the last week that still hasn't quite faded yet and my head just felt like a huge foggy abyss - not the best mindset for a blog post! 

It's been a strange sort of week where I've been functional but felt like I wasn't quite present.  I've never had an out of body experience but I think this week I may have experienced a few out of mind experiences, if that makes any sort of sense!! 

There's been times this week when I've completed tasks or activities and while I know I've done them, experienced it and remember it clearly, it feels like my body was doing things on auto pilot, keeping me going while I mentally checked out. 

There are plenty of times when I'm not ill and I mentally check out and do things on autopilot, which probably isn't very healthy.  Sometimes I can go along with a normal pattern of routine without really thinking about it, most of the time that's fine, but sometimes it can be a bit of a hinderance.   

I remember hearing someone say in relation to social media that if your are connected everywhere you run the risk of being present nowhere. It's a slightly different topic but I sometimes find that I can be the opposite and be present everywhere and connected nowhere.  

Maybe that's something I need to work on more when I'm germ free and switched on. 

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Bedtime Ramblings: Binge Watching

Missed the lunchtime blog today! I was busy feeling sorry for myself while I tried to fend off my summer cold.  It also feels like an oxymoron, summer cold. 

The only thing I was rambling about at lunch time was probably my runny nose or the elephant having a disco inside my forehead, now that I've had a bit of rest and recouperation and have a bit more of a control on my symptoms, I decided to do a bedtime blog post! 

For the past few days while I've been feeling poorly, along with many other days when I've been feeling perfectly fine, I've been doing a lot of box set binging. 

Its not always a bad thing, sometimes the best way to chill is with one of your favourite TV programmes, for me it's like spending time with company that I can vary my concentration levels with. 

Sometimes I wonder if I'm being a tad unhealthy, quite often episodes of shows I like to watch are released weekly so I don't go overboard, but if I start on something new that's been out for a while or happens to release all of the episodes at once then I can have a habit of watching hours worth of one show in one sitting.  

For example yesterday I watched an entire series of something between coming home from work and going to sleep, on this occasion the episodes were 30 minutes long but when there are 10 episodes, that is still quite a long time to be concentrating on one thing. 

Concerns aside, a good binge watch can be just the remedy I need to relax or aid rest and recuperation. 

Here are a few of my favourite series to binge watch. 

 The Mighty Boosh 

Eccentric, hilarious, amusing. I love the boosh, I always have. Vince Noir and Howard Moon were a discovery in my late teens that helped me to embrace my inner Rachie.  

Their book signing is the only thing I've ever gone out in the middle of the night to queue for and I missed getting wrist band the next morning by 20 people! Did get the book though, just not signed.

Pretty Little Liars  

It got to a point where I couldn't be 100% confident that I wasn't A, but this one was good for capturing my attention, keeping me in suspense and giving me a bit of escapism from studying. 

Gilmore Girls 

I couldn't not include Gilmore Girls in this list! I've watched every season so many times I'm practically word perfect.  I identify with Rory in a lot of ways, Lorelai in others and just adore Luke. Jess also has a special place in my heart.  I'd include the revival series A Year In The Life as well, while it doesn't entirely match up to what I had pictured in the future for them, it's still exquisite. 

Friends 

It's hard not to include this one, it's been present in my life for so long, it's aired every single day and I really am word perfect in this one.   I enjoy some series more than others and didn't always agree with the story lines but even 23 years after it first aired, and 13 years after it ceased production, it still feels relevant and for the most part, timeless. 

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Lunchtime Ramblings: Feeling less than 100%

Tiny violins at the ready, I'm feeling a bit poorly today! 

I'm not sure if it's my hay fever, if I'm getting a cold or I'm just a bit run down but I'm not 100% today.

The downside of not feeling quite 100% is while you feel rubbish, you can't always just stay in bed.

My rule for taking sick days is if my brain can still think and process without thinking 'ahhhh I'm so ill' and I'm still capable of cognitive thought, I'll power through it and go to work.

That's what I've done today, powered through it although I do feel a little like I'm running on empty which isn't a great way to feel when trying to get my creative mindset on.

We also currently have a heatwave in Glasgow today which isn't really helping me although the view from the window is glorious. 

I don't always have to be feeling poorly to feel less than 100%, there are some days when I just feel a little less than being able to give the world the full Rachie experience.  

I've just realised this is coming across as a very woe is me post, so now I'm going to dispense a few of my best perk up tactics when I'm feeling rubbish or running on empty.

Drink All The Water 

It's a no brainer but staying hydrated is probably the best way to perk myself up and keep the body and brain ticking along.

Do Something Silly 

Whether it is at home or at work, I like to do something harmless but a bit daft to keep my creative and silly side active and give myself a nice little dose of endorphins whether it's having a thumb war with a colleague, playing knots and crosses, or wrapping myself up in a duvet pretending to be a sausage roll.   Sometimes the best way to perk myself up is to make a little bit of magic in an otherwise ordinary day.

Treat Myself

I'm not talking about buying myself any fancy cars or taking out a loan to buy a mountain of shoes, but sometimes I find a little bit of joy in the therapy of retail. Sometimes something inexpensive like a can of juice can be the very thing that makes me feel a bit better. 

Rest 

Another no brainer but sometimes my body is sending me a very clear message that I need to calm my jets and just take a bit of quiet time to rest and recouperate.  

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Lunchtime Ramblings: Feeling Crafty

For someone who really likes crafty things I'm really lacking in any craft like ability.

A few Christmas' ago my boyfriend got me a crossstich book because I mentioned I'd like to try it. I thought back to my home economics teacher treating me like an idiot for my inability to thread a needle and I gave up. 

I put learning to crochet on my 28 things before I'm 28 list and struggled to make the first loop, I've made a tiny bit of progress since then, although I haven't yet given up, my plan is to master at least a line before I'm 29. 

Even as a kid, anything artisic or craft like was my least favourite thing to do, it was my idea of hell. Now I'm older it's something I wish I was better at as I think it would be a great creative outlet.

I'm really envious of my friends who do have hobbies like that, which they are amazing at but I try and remind myself that some of them had to learn too. Maybe that's my problem. I don't like it when I can't just pick something up and do it. I want to have all the skills with none of the learning!  

I can do origami, nothing massively complex but I make a good crane, an epic bat, a pretty cool swan and a passable dragon.

I'd like to try and do more crafty things. If you've got any suggestions or tips for picking up crafty hobbies, feel free to suggest. 

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Lunchtime Ramblings: Creativity and Routine.

Yesterday I was thinking about being organised and today I'm thinking about routine. 

Routines are great, I thrive on them. I like having a sense of what usually happens and when, it keeps me in check and keeps me in a semi state of organisation.  

My nephew Ben is autistic and he also relies on a sense of routine and watching his sense of routine amazes me because while he relies on similar patterns of circumstance, he fills each one with something new and different and creative. It's made me look at the way I view routine and creativity and the ways they can work together. 

I like the reliability of routine. You know where to go, what to do and have a rough idea of what will happen so that you can then equip yourself with your plan of how to go about your routine.

Where I can come into a bit of bother with routine is when it doesn't stimulate me. Sometimes I get myself into routines of behaviour and activity for the sake of them and if I lack passion for it, I begin to stagnate.  

I think it's why I chose a creative path, to allow me to take new strands of thought and channel them into new ideas, creations and adventures.   Sometimes though, I succumb to the creature of habit mindset and find myself doing the same things repeatedly and expecting new results.

I've recently started doing these lunch time blogs and putting myself into a bit of a routine with that, but the second it stops being enjoyable or I'm just doing the same thing every day I'll stop.  I want to use these little impromptu blogging moments in my day to reach into my mind at the quietest point of my day and see what inspiration and creativity lies in there.  

Sometimes I feel like I need to break the routine in order to be creative but I think my problem is conditioning myself into patterns of behaviour within my routine which then limits my creativity. 

I'm gonna try every day to be more of a free spirit, to try new things and identify new ways of being creative within my routine environment.

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Lunchtime Ramblings: Organised Mind

I like to think that being organised is one of the strongest skills I have. I can plan things in detail and I think well on paper which helps in a work sense.  In a personal and work sense I often have a to do list for my to do list. 

When I was at college and university I had a list with all my tasks organised my tutor and due date taped to my bedroom door so that whenever I left or entered my room I'd be reminded of what I needed to do and could highlight as I completed things.

This year, I've let my organised side slide and allowed my brain to become frazzled and overloaded while I fly by the seat of my pants. Starting today - that stops! I need my head to be in a place of tranquility and clear vision not scrambled among different things. 

Here are a few tools and methods I find useful - mainly to serve as a reminded to myself to use them but if they are useful to anyone else - then awesome!

Mind-mapping

I love a good mind map, getting all my thoughts out on paper as I'm planning things and organising them into branches of thought.  Paper and online are both good for me. Some good online ones to try are Barvas and XMind.

Passion Planner

I ordered a passion planner at the beginning of the year to help me stay organised in my planning of personal goals at work and in my personal life like blogging and volunteering.  I did great for a month or so and then I let it slide.  I'd like to use this properly. I might by another one and start again.

Calendar on the wall

I have a big monthly calendar on my wall that I use to write important things on in bright colours to remind me of things I can't forget! Again, I've let this slide. Although for the sheer benefit of having Sherlock characters on my wall, I've just kept it up.

Good old fashioned pocket diary 

I like to have a pocket sized diary for writing down important things I can't Miss that lives in my bag and I can refer to at any point. Not used one at all this year, bit late in the year to start one. Next year for sure! 

Phone reminders

I've probably utilised this one the most this year, I could be more militant with it though. That's the plan going forward anyway. 

How do you stay organised? Any tips? Let me know! :-) 

Back to my desk time, with a more organised brain than the one I left the house with this morning.  

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Lunchtime Ramblings: Open Doors

I forgot to bring my house keys with me today, a genius move if ever there was one. Thankfully my parents are likely to be home when I am heading home from work or if they are out enjoying the sunshine this afternoon, I can head to my boyfriend's house so it won't be a massive catastrophe.

It set me off thinking about that phrase when one door closes another door opens. I didn't always believe in that saying and thought it was just something people say to make you feel better when something doesn't quite work out for you but there have been a few instances in my life where it has been true. 

When I was finishing up my internship a few years ago and had absolutely nowhere to go to next and was completely clueless as to what to do, a short term opportunity at my brothers work opened up. While it wasn't in my preferred field, it was an opportunity I enjoyed and allowed me to spend time with my brother that I otherwise wouldn't have. 

Before I began my current role, I had previously had an interview with another company and hadn't got the job and a few weeks later they recommended me to another company and after a successful interview I found myself with a job! 

There are plenty of times when an opportunity hasn't worked out for me or I feel like I'm some aspects of my life I'm stagnating and can't see a way forward but I've now started looking at those occasions as opportunities to keep an eye out for what might come along.

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Lunchtime Ramblings: Sleepy

I'm sleepy today, properly could lie down for a kip sleepy, I'm at work so there won't be any afternoon naps for me today but never mind.

I have something of a reputation for being sleepy, in my later years of school and my college years. I was notorious for my desk snoozing, there are even some historical photos of me on some friends facebooks where I'm snoozing when I ought to have been learning.

Sometimes I'm sleepy because I've stayed up too late and needed to be up early, sometimes I've gone to bed early and had too much sleep and sometimes I've had too much caffeine and thrown my energy levels out of whack. 

I don't think it's really any of the above this week, I'm just feeling really lethargic and unresponsive. I think I need to start addressing my diet, not in an oh my goodness I need to lose weight kind of way (although it wouldn't hurt) but I think because I've had to cut a lot of things out of my diet with my dairy intolerance, I've over compensated with other sweet things that I know I can have. They are probably adding to the whole sluggish and drained thing. 

It probably doesn't help that I'm not massively keen on exercise either, I could also be looking at ways increase my energy levels in that way too. 

That can be this weeks task, to identify small health changes and try to increase my energy levels and actually be awake during my waking hours.

Recommendations are totally welcome, if anyone has any! 

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Lunchtime Ramblings: Shopping

Anyone who knows me or has read my blog has probably gathered I enjoy ambit of retail therapy.

I enjoy visiting stores and soaking in the colourful array of shoes, clothes, accessories and items around me, sometimes I'll even buy some! 

At times, my insessant shopping chat can come across a bit 'airhead shopaholic' but I swear I'm not trying to be the Scottish answer to Cher Horowitz, although I'd freaking love to have her computer operated outfit selector and access to her wardrobe space.

I perhaps just like to shop but sometimes I think back to when I was a kid. 

I was sometimes made fun of for wearing what someone identified as a hand me down or as not very fashionable or socially acceptable to wear.  At the time, this was the worst thing in the world, to not be wearing the right thing and I'd be a bit of a brat about it. I of course understand now that while we weren't poverty stricken, having the latest version of trainers every three months couldn't always be a priority.

While I couldn't give two hoots what anyone thinks of what I wear now or whether I have the latest thing. I do have a sort of feel a need to have my own stuff. I now have far too many clothes which I fleetingly clear out and rehome and end up building back up again so at some point I probably hace to be a bit more selective. 

I am by no means a shopaholic and don't go shopping every week or anything like that and while my outgoings don't really extend beyond my car, insurance, phone and Netflix, I'm doing no harm....but may I could donate a few things to charity for every new thing I buy. 

Right, nearly time to get back to work.....and look at a few shoe sites :-) 

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Lunchtime Ramblings: Friday

It's Friday! I wouldn't exactly say I have the Friday feeling but I'm feeling somewhat chipper about the weekend.  Weekends never last long enough, you wait a whole week for them to roll around and then they have passed before they've even begun! 

I've always quite liked Friday's at Primary School it was the day we had 'Golden Time' where for the last 45 minutes of the day you could chill. As I got older it was the day I had off of college and uni.

Until I started working it was a day my parents and I spent with close family besties (hi H&D) in some shape of form. In fact, as I type my parents are enjoying a lovely day with them, about to embark on lovely home made baking and treats. 

My current Friday routine post work is to visit my boyfriends house and consume food of some description, either his or his mothers cooking or one of the lovely takeaways where he lives. Tonight I'm deviating from routine and going out with a friend and while I'm looking forward to it my brain is crying out 'but this isn't what happens on a Friday!' 

I used to work with a man who came into work every day with a big smile on his face, wishing everyone a happy day and asking if they had the Friday feeling, because for him every day felt like a Friday!  I'd love to have that attitude every single day and I try to have the same kind of spirit but some days I do succumb to the less than chipper moods the working week or poor sleep patterns can bring.   I think I'd like to try and make this an active challenge every day to try and spread the Friday feeling whatever the day - wherever I am.

The Happy Days theme tune usually plays on the radio on a Friday morning on my drive into work, I left far too late to hear it today, so I'll sing it internally as I type it instead! 

Sunday, Monday, Happy Days,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days,
Thursday, Friday, Happy Days,
The weekend comes, my cycle hums
Ready to race to you

These happy days are yours and mine, these happy days are yours and my happy days. 

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Lunchtime Ramblings: Volunteering

Its day four of my my impromptu blogging challenge. I've just finished my lunch and I'm chatting with my colleague Chelsea about the Wheelchair Rugby team she plays for and how they are looking for volunteers.  Unfortunately it clashes with my other volunteering commitments but I decided that volunteering can be today's topic! 

Volunteering is something I enjoy, I currently volunteer with a local children's club and a group that looks after my local park.  The children's club is a few times a week and the park one is a monthly meeting with some events throughout the year, I also look after the Facebook account for the park group which keeps me active in my volunteering when we have no events planned.

I guess I originally used to pick volunteering opportunities that would help me. I was either a student or unemployed and wanted to get as many helpful thinks on my CV/Resume as I could to help me get closer to securing a job. Nowadays, I'm more into picking opportunities that let me do something for someone else. 

At the children's club I volunteer at, it's a place where they come for an hour and a half after school to have a bit of fun and let of some steam, allowing parents to take a small bit of time to themselves to either chill out or get something vital out of the way. I don't know what the time spent at the club means to every single child individually but I do know that they seem to be having fun playing with their friends and to be a part of facilitating that is a good feeling.

In the group that looks after my local park, we help raise awareness of the park, seek to maintain its presence in the community and look at ways to make improvements. I sort of help for selfish reasons, I lovely the park, I do some good thinking there, I like to read there, I like to write there and it's really love to look and walk around. I hope that by helping out with the group I can encourage other people young and old to appreciate the magic and beauty that it holds.

Right, time to head off back to work and do some different writing!

See you tomorrow! 

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Lunchtime Ramblings: I'm a Wednesday

It is Wednesday lunchtime, I'm wearing a black dress and for a small portion of the morning I had my still dripping wet from the shower hair in pigtails, I had some Wednesday vibes going on and decided to channel that into today's impromptu lunchtime post! 

I'm also going to see The Addams Family in October and decided it was about time I started getting excited about that! 

I was born on a Wednesday, so perhaps that's why I relate to Wednesday's character.

I wouldn't say I'm full of woe, as the poem goes, if anything I probably try too hard to be chipper, but there are elements of Wednesday that I can relate to.  

I wouldn't say I'm as sadistic as Wednesday but I share her penchant for sarcasm and have a similar reluctance to trust those I'm unsure of.

I can be similarly withdrawn and quiet at times, but I think in both our cases we're deep thinkers and solitude is our favoured way to process and analyse the matters dancing around in our heads. 

Wednesday, I think was just wise beyond her years which brought with it a cynicism for people and the world around her more common in those much older than herself.  Without sounding cocky, younger Rachie was pretty similar. I had a much bigger cynicism for things than people my own age which made me appear somewhat odd and kooky.

At the time I didn't enjoy feeling like the odd one, but now with a bit more life experience under my belt I embrace that side of my personality with humour and celebrate my overall kookyness.

I'm really looking forward to seeing Carrie Hope Fletcher as Wednesday in October, as well as the rest of the cast taking on the other members of the clan but Wednesday holds a special place in my heart. Hurry up October! 

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Lunchtime Ramblings: Wonder of Rain

Day two of my impromptu blogging challenge. I've given myself a little longer than 10 minutes today to see what I can do with an extra 20! 

It's raining, because of course it is! I live in Scotland, I don't know why every year when the summer rolls around I'm astounded to see rain! 

I actually quite like rain. Do I enjoy getting soaked? Nope! Although there is some beauty in rain.

I often find watching heavy rain through a window very therapeutic, I'm not really sure why, it just makes me feel sort of secure.  I also do some of my best thinking in the rain, just me, a dome shaped umberella and my noggin! 

I also like parks in the rain, in theory that's a bit dumb because you can't sit on any benches, no cant use any equipment but there's something beautiful about freshly soaked trees, grass and shrubbery they seem to make a gorgeous glittery green view that stretches for miles. 

I used to hate driving in the rain but I'm even getting starting to find that aesthetically pleasing!

The only down side to rain for me is that I can sometimes get a bit stiff and sore, it sounds like an old fishwives tail but I can sort of sense when rain is on the way because of a broken ankle in my childhood, it's not always accurate mind you! 

Right, it's almost time for me to return to my desk and do some writing of a different kind! 

I'll hopefully have some inspritation for tomorrow's topic beyond looking out of the window!! :-) 

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Creative Constipation.

I get inside my head sometimes, which is a silly saying because I'm always going to be inside my head, but I can overthink things, talk myself out of things, fixate on things that make me anxious and exhaust myself. 

I've managed to get inside my own head creatively.
  

I've mentioned before that being creative in itself is a thing that people can get inside their own heads about (See my review of Change Your Mind - 57 Ways to Unlock Your Creative Self)and that I feel the concept of creativity is all about how you condition yourself to think. 

That being said, I feel like I've allowed myself to become somewhat creatively constipated lately, is that a phrase? I'm not sure. I'm going to use it anyway. 

I'll come up with what I think is a good idea, I'll begin to start the motor and take the idea from being a nugget inside my brain to being a reality and its like my brain gets stage fright and doesn't want to perform. 

I think it's a creative constipation of my own doing, as someone who works in a creative role for an organisation, I've sort of become aware that there are certain boxes that need to be ticked, certain guidelines that need to be adhered to and for work, that's absolutely fine.  The issue is, when I switch off from work, I haven't switched on the personal side of my brain that also likes to be creative. 

It's almost like I had put myself inside a box that I was struggling to think outside of......but really there is no box. 

Starting this week, where possible, I'm going to try and do one creative thing everyday outside of work, whether its writing 1000 words of nonsense, doodling, taking photos, etc.

I've been overcoming it slowly with my 28 things by 28 list which is nearly finished with two days to go!

Does anyone else ever feel that way?

Got tips for overcoming a creative block? Share them! 

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28 Things To Do Before I'm 28

I'll admit it, despite my youthful complexion, I'm getting old!

In about seven or eight weeks time, I'll age and switch from being a 27 year old to being a 28 year old.

Having stumbled across Xandra Robinson Burn's blog Heroine Training via my mother, I came across her How to Write a Birthday list guide.
The idea being that it is a bit like a bucket list, but with the deadline being your next birthday. 

Me being me, decided to give this ago at the end of February when my birthday is in April, giving myself about seven or eight weeks to achieve the items on my list.  

Below is my 28 Things To Do Before I'm 28, I may fail spectacularly at all of them but it'll be the sense of adventure, organisation and trying that'll be the fun part!

28 Things to Do Before I'm 28

1. Read a Harry Potter book in another language.
   This one is unashamedly borrowed from Xandra, however I think it will be a great brain exercise for me and inspire me to improve. I also like Harry Potter, so it makes sense to me.
   
   
2. Have jalapenos in a Sub Sandwich
   Suggested by my colleague Chelsea, I've never tried jalapenos so I figured, why not give it go.
   
   
3. Wash my car
   I've been driving my car since just before Halloween last year, she's everything I hoped she'd be, she's small, she's pretty, she's purple! She's called Phoebe! She's also filthy and needs a bit of a clean!
   
   
4. Learn to juggle
   Inspired by my colleague Chelsea, we were discussing my list over lunch and she mentioned that she could juggle and I mentioned that I couldn't - we both had the light bulb moment at the same time. 
5. Learn to crochetI'd love to be able to crochet, it looks like fun and I have a few friends who are very talented at it. Even if I could only make a sock that would fit the big toe of my baby nephew, I'd like to give it a try!
   
6. Make an origami dragon
   I've taught myself to make quite a few origami creatures but never quite mastered the dragon!
   
7. Make dairy free Macaroni Cheese
   Since the whole realising that dairy is what makes me feel ill thing, I've really missed macaroni cheese and I've had some really lovely ready meal Rachie friendly ones, but I'd really like to try and make my own.
   
   
8. Buy a waterproof jacket
   Self explanatory really, I live in Scotland.
   
9. Have a shoe clear out
   I love my shoes, collectively and individually but some are starting to get a bit worse for wear - time to have a little bit of a look through and clear some out.
   
10. Have a clothes clear out
    As above, I have a lot of clothes, some that are in great condition and I never wear and some that are falling apart. 
    
    
11. Start putting money into my savings account
    I had to put something semi organised and adult on the list.
    
12. Make dairy free pancakes
    At time of writing, Pancake Day in the UK is about three days away, I'd like to make my own.
    
    
    
13. Donate clothes to charity
14. Cut down on Fizzy Juice
    I mainline of fizzy juice and its not healthy, I'll be cutting it out completely between Pancake Day and my birthday with a view to cutting down afterwards.
    
15. Take part in a pub quiz/sing karaoke
    I've never taken part in a pub quiz before, so I'd like to give it a bash. I've sang karaoke before, but as a child when I was far less concerned with the opinions of others and a lot braver. As I don't frequent bars/pubs or nightlife often, I've decided that the two are interchangeable and if I somehow manage to do both - bonus.
16. Climb a small mountain/big hill
    
    Suggested by my friends Nicole and Lesley Ann, decided on Arthur's seat in Edinburgh.
    
17. Give up social media for a weekend
    Suggested by Lesley Ann, I'm definitely up for giving this a go, I spend far too much time on social media.
    
18. Moonlit picnic
    Suggested by Nicole, whether its in my car, in a park, at the dining table with the curtains open, I like the idea. 
19. Make banana jam
    I really enjoy making Banana Jam and haven't made it in a while, I also had a request for it that I've yet to fulfill. 
20. Make dairy free chocolate fudge
    Spotted a recipe on pinterest, why not?!
    
21. Get eyebrows done
    
    
22. Have dairy free afternoon tea
    My mum visited a lovely place a few weeks ago and the kind lady informed her of all the lovely dairy free options they provide.
    
23. Try three different kinds of soft drink
    
24. Get a cover for my ipad
    
25. Blog at least once
    Technically, this counts!! My plan is to do a few more based on any successes on the list but if I'm rubbish - this post totally counts!
    
26. Say no thank you to something I don't want to do without feeling guilty or explaining
    
27. Clean my windscreen on the inside
    
28. • Do one thing that reminds me of my Gran
    
    I was very lucky to have both of my Grans in my life for as long as I did, one until I was 14, the other until I was 22.They were very different women, but in brilliant ways. My Mum originally pitched this idea to my about my gran on my Dad's side but I've decided to incorporate them both.

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Why I Don't Keep New Year Resolutions

As January draws to a close, I've been thinking a lot about the mental rut I usually get myself in at this time of year.

Each time a New Year rolls around I start thinking about all the things I don't like about myself and channel those things into making a list of resolutions to take forward into the New Year and kick start the process of becoming the new me. 

Quite predictably, I never quite manage to tackle my list and achieve my goal of becoming the newer, shinier me. 

Resolutions work for some people and don't for others, I'm certainly in the latter camp. 

Five Reasons Why I Don't Keep Resolutions

I aim too high

Quite often when I'm making my list of things I'd like to change, I don't think about what is going to be achievable in the near future, I go straight for things that are quite hard to achieve and wonder why I struggle.

I don't plan properly

When compiling my list, I'll identify what I'd like to achieve but won't actually break it down into a plan of how I will get to that end goal.

I'm too impatient

After aiming too high and planning poorly, I'll then want super quick results, regardless of how utterly ridonkulous that would be. 

I'm too self critical
When I ultimately don't get the results I wanted because I've set myself a moronic goal in a stupidly short time frame, I'll start to give myself a bit of a hard time for being so rubbish that I failed. 

I expect to transform into a new person

For some reason, when trying to navigate my way through my annual New Year, New Me phase, I somehow don't realise that I'm not actually trying to be a new me.  I'm trying to make positive changes to improve the day to day life of the current me.
More often than not, I expect some sort of brand new Rachie to magically appear in my place. 

Now that I've accepted that I'm crap at making and keeping New Year Resolutions, I've resolved never to make them again.

I'm not saying I'll never plan to make positive changes and get my crap together, but I won't put the same kind of pressure on myself or each new year that rolls around to come through for me. 

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A Thursday Happy List.

I haven't had a bad day, far from it, I had a very nice day....but it was a very nice day that felt a little bittersweet. 

So I made a happy list to remind me of some of the things that make me smile and encourage me to focus on positives. 

If, like me, you are into stationery and thought that looks like a fun notepad, my notepad is from Paperchase -
http://www.paperchase.co.uk/all-change-a5-notebook.html

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New Beginnings.

It's been a little while since I last put anything on my blog, reality sort of took over at some point in February and all of a sudden I looked up and it was nearly the end of April!

Although not much has changed in the last few months, in some ways, lots of things have changed for me. 

Just a few months ago, almost all of my posts were quite focused on how crappy I was feeling about struggling to find a job of any sort, let alone one that ties in with my degree, I was going for interview after interview and getting nowhere fast.  I kind of reached a stage where with every no thank you, came a metaphorical kick to the stomach or a crying session.

Then one day at the end of February - something clicked - someone said yes and in March I started a new job and one that uses my degree.  I'm loving learning all about my new role and the place I work.  I'm a much happier Rachie in that respect.  Gone is the feeling of worthlessness, the feeling of failure and in its place is a whole new sense of excitement.

I'm hoping I can take this feeling and channel it towards injecting a new lease of life into my blog.  I started it as a bit of self therapy and slowly adapted it into a bit of a hub of general Rachie-ness.  Which is fine, except somewhere in the middle it became self therapy again and got a bit heavy.  There is nothing wrong with expressing my feelings or using my blog to do so, I just don't want it to become my dumping ground for everything rubbish I feel.

So I've decided I want to set myself a bit of a schedule of fun - more book reviews, I haven't properly opened a book in a while and I'd like to change that.  

I wanna take my blog on some journeys with me and more importantly I wanna have some more journeys.  They don't have to be far traveled expeditions they just have to be new and fun. 

The other thing that's changed for me since the last time I posted is that I've aged.  Last week I had a birthday and it stirred a bit of a change in me.  I don't mean that now that I'm 27 I'm going to suddenly start changing everything about myself but its instilled a need for a little bit of confidence in me.

A few weeks ago I was mildly irked because I was in a situation where I was the youngest looking person in the room and it had a definite impact on the tone of voice and manner that people had when interacting with me.  Not in a horrible way, if anything it was encouraging and kind - but it also made me feel like I was a child.

While I still sort of thrive on the feeling that the 'proper grown ups' will look after me and make sure I'm safe, I need to recognise and remember that I'm one of them, even if at times others don't.
I don't think I'll ever be 27 going on 47, if anything I'm 27 going on 17 but I need to learn to identify the times to remember I'm a lot closer to 30 than I am to 20.

It's a work in progress. 

Today's Shoes

This is a bit of a blurry picture but these beauties were a birthday present from James.
They are Vans Slip Ons and I adore them!
Especially the purple check pattern which kinda matches my recently dyed purple hair.
I haven't worn them outta the house yet as I only got them yesterday and I'm still wearing them in but I look forward to taking them on their first excursion soon. 

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Who/What I want to be when I'm older.

Who/What I want to be when I'm older.


Yesterday, someone asked me what I want to be when I'm older.  

My initial response was going to be 'younger' but seeing as it was an eight year old that asked me the question, I figured being a smart arse probably wasn't the best way to answer the question.

I didn't actually give much of an answer which I felt a little bit bad about - I could have answered the question.

I know exactly what area I want to be in career wise.
I dread people who are younger than me asking me about career stuff, particularly if it has been close to a time when I haven't been successful in an interview or application.
 I'd feel awful if I accidentally passed on my own insecurities about my future on to someone else.

Most of the time, I'm fairly positive about my job search, I'm looking for employment in a very competitive field and going up against strong competition, so it stands to reason that sometimes,
 I'm not going to be lucky one.   

I'm working in the meantime, earning some money, learning to drive and keeping myself busy.

There are occasions however, when other people's opinions can feed into my insecurity.
There are some people I know, lovely though they are, that don't understand that looking for relevant work is often a full time job in itself and that making the shortlist for an interview can feel as big an achievement as making the final 4 at a Grand Slam. 

An easier question would be 'Who do you want to be when you are older?'

• I want to be someone that works hard - whether that is in my chosen career path or not.
• I want to be someone that has confidence in the things I know I can do and confidence in being able to ask for help with the things I know I can't do just so well.
• I want to be someone that has made enough stupid mistakes to have learned from them how to be a semi decent human being.
• I want to be someone that encourages others to aspire to reach their goals but know that not achieving them isn't the worst thing in the world and doesn't mean that they are not good enough to achieve them.

There's more to the person I want to be when I'm older, but maybe that's a blog post for a few years time when I'm hopefully a step closer to feeling confident in being that person. 

Maybe the next time someone asks me what I want to be, I can be someone who answers the question without feeling insecure about whether or not I'll get to achieve those goals in the future. 

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